'AITA for giving a secret family recipe to a member of the family who isn't married?'
"AITA for giving a secret family recipe to a family member?"
I married into a family that has a secret pasta and red sauce recipe. When I got married, the recipe was one of the gifts. During family gatherings, we take turns making it, and each person adds their own twist.
Since getting married, I have become close to my spouse’s cousin. We spend a lot of time together, and she has become something of a mentor to me. I asked when it would be her turn to make the recipe because she is a great cook, and I wanted to try her version of it.
She never received the secret recipe. It is only passed down to married members of the family. I learned that my spouse also did not get a copy until marriage. She has asked for the recipe but keeps being told, “when you get married.” She is in her early fifties and has repeatedly said she has no interest in marriage. I think she may be aromantic or asexual.
She recently asked if I planned to make a big batch in December, which I always do, and asked if she could trade portions with me for something special that she makes. I agreed, but then I asked if she would rather have the recipe instead. She was born into the family, and I do not think a family recipe should be restricted based on marital status. So I gave it to her.
The family found out when she made it. She was so excited that she prepared it almost immediately, and someone found leftovers in her fridge. My mother-in-law and aunts-in-law are angry at me because they say the cousin did not “earn” the recipe.
One of the cousin’s married sisters sent me an angry text. My father-in-law understands why I did it but said it was not my place. My spouse does not care either way. Even so, I ended up getting the cold shoulder. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
PatieS13 says:
You know, I don't know, maybe it wasn't your place from the family's perspective. Irrespective of that, I'm so glad you did it and you were 100% NTA! What a weird rule to impose and what a terrible way to make family members feel less than.
It's not easy to be the only family member without a spouse so late in life. It's so not easy that I ended up getting married in my '40s to a horrible horrible man, and my family didn't even have weird rules in place that made me feel like I had to marry. You are awesome, and your in-laws are weird.
CorruptedFrames says:
NTA - And I would be avoiding this family at all cost for being muppets.
ParkerPoseyGuffman says:
NTA secret recipes are so dumb.
Icy-Mix-6550 says:
YTA. It wasn't yours to share. You married into this family. This was their long-held tradition of who got the recipe. I know it's just a recipe but I wouldn't trust you with anything again. Some people hold family recipes tighter than their money.