'AITA for giving up my baby for adoption instead of letting my brother raise him religious?'

AITA for giving my baby up for adoption even though my brother wanted to adopt him?

OP posted:

So, I'm F20 and I gave birth to a baby boy 4 months ago. I had only been in the relationship for 6 months, so obviosuly this was an unplanned pregnancy. My fault, I know. My BF (also 20) wanted me to get rid of it, and I could see his point that it was the smart choice.

We work minimum wage, we have a rented one-bedroom, we are little more than kids ourselves, and neither of us are ready. I was also dealing with personal struggles. Neither of us told our families about this, and I quietly booked the procedure.

I couldn't go through with it. My family is very religious, but that had nothing to do with my decision. I just didn't want to do it. BF went nuclear and left but made sure to tell my very Christian brother (30) that I was pregnant before he did.

Of course, it then gets around my family, and my mother and brother, rather than being angry and disappointed in me like they usually are, rallied around me. My mother let me move back in and even offered to take me on holiday to Spain where my aunt lives.

Then it comes out. They want me to hide the pregnancy abroad so my brother can adopt him. His wife has one child, a lovely and shy 7-year-old girl, but has had several miscarriages since because her womb has moved or something.

After this, I would of course go back to being the black sheep while they pretend everything is normal. I said no, I wasn't going along with that. I don't want the kid near this whole sh^#show when it's born. My brother is controlling as hell of his wife and daughter. Their marriage is on the rocks because he thinks she is "defective" and can't give him more kids. He has literally said this to her parents.

Whole family now hates me. Kicked into overdrive when I found out it was a boy because my brother "will never get the chance to have a son." Just after I gave birth, the entire extended family invaded the hospital to try and make me change my mind. My sister-in-law tearfully begged me, my brother even offered me money, but I held firm.

I refused. I didn't want this kid to live a lie. I didn't want my brother to be his father. I didn't care that he has "good values" (very subjective on that one), a big house, a good job, and a dutiful stay-at-home wife. No, he was taken away and placed with adoptive parents. I don't know many details, nor did I want to, but I do know that they live 400 miles away.

My brother is now sending me horror stories daily about what happens to adopted kids. He's telling me that's going to happen to my son and it's my fault because I resented them for their beliefs and their attempts to keep me on the right path. That this was about revenge.

His relationship with his wife has really broken down, and she is now in the hospital, and that's my fault too. Honestly, I've been to a therapist, and I'm starting to think he's right. I do resent them for their beliefs and how my mother and brother tried to control my life.

I mean, I rejected them, and I ended up pregnant at 19 out of wedlock in a dead-end relationship. I didn't think that this was about revenge, but maybe it was. Maybe I liked seeing them squirm and beg. But also, f#$k them. I think they are being unfair too. I didn't "murder the baby." I "chose life." I just didn't choose them. Was I the a$^&ole?

Here are the top comments:

cachalker says:

Every time you start to doubt your decision, think about the harassment they’ve subjecting you to right now. This would be that child’s life. And you can bet that if he didn’t toe the straight and narrow line, they’d throw the circumstances of his conception/birth in his face.

Sounds like you need to cut off your family. They’re still trying to stuff you into the mold they want. They neither accept nor respect you and are willing to lay the burdens of their own choices onto your shoulders.

You had your reasons…which are playing out in real time…for why you chose not to allow your brother to adopt. And you chose the path that would give your son the best opportunities to forge his own way.

Perhaps the choice was colored by your own resentments. But those resentments were born of your own experiences with your family and, deep down, you didn’t want to be responsible for a child experiencing the same things you did. This isn’t revenge. You didn’t do it to get back at them. You did it to protect the child. NTA (Not the A^%@ole).

haterhurter1 says:

Their marriage is on the rocks because he thinks she is "defective." Enough said, brother is one of those crazy religious misogynistic a^#%oles and wants the child to fix his marriage. NTA.

Chaoticgood790 says:

NTA, your brother is not someone I would want raising my kid either. Gross.

What do you think?