"I genuinely think my (35F) husband (36M) is a psychopath."
Hi everyone, please I need help. I’m 35F and my husband is 36M. We’ve been married for 10 years and have two boys (7 and 5). I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. About three months ago, my husband started sending me really nasty messages while he was at work. At first, it was just mean comments.
Stuff like telling me I’m lazy that I’m a terrible mother that he regrets marrying me. It was completely out of nowhere. The weird part is that when he would come home from work, he’d act completely normal. Like nothing happened. He’d kiss me, ask what’s for dinner play with the kids. The first time it happened, I thought maybe he was having a bad day at work. But the messages kept coming.
Sometimes he’d send them during the day, sometimes late at night if he was working overtime. They got worse, too. Saying things like I’m useless, that I’m lucky he hasn’t left me yet, that no one else would want me. The first few times I confronted him, he acted confused. Like genuinely confused.
He would say things like “what messages?” Or “you must be misunderstanding something.” I literally showed him the texts on my phone and he just stared at them and said he didn’t send them claiming he lost his phone. Which he did but he had a new one and was still texting and calling from that number.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but he didn’t look guilty. He looked confused almost scared. I thought maybe he was gaslighting me but it was such a weird way to do it because he never got angry in person. Finally, about a month ago I snapped I showed him a bunch of the messages at once and told him I couldn’t keep living like this. I told him if he hated me so much he should just say it to my face.
He kept insisting he didn’t send them and said maybe someone was messing with us. At that point, I was done. I packed clothes grabbed the kids and went to stay with my parents who live in the same state. They were amazing and helped so much and I never felt luckier to have a close family.
Since then the messages have continued same number same horrible tone. Things like “Running to mommy’s house just proves my point.”
“You’re pathetic.”
“You’ll come crawling back eventually.”
I sent him screenshots back to the same number and still he swore again that he wasn’t sending them.
He just was saying he said he lost his phone at work and had to get a replacement but he still had the same number and when he would show me his phone I couldn’t see the messages, I just thought he was deleting them though. He said someone must have found the phone and was messing with me.
Last week though, I let the kids stay with him for a couple weeks since he’s still their dad and they miss him.
He’s still denying everything. Says he never sent those messages and that he thinks someone is using his old phone.
Meanwhile, the texts haven’t stopped.
At this point, I don’t even know what to believe anymore.
Either he’s lying to my face or something really weird is going on. Has anyone ever dealt with something similar? I feel like I’m going insane and don’t know what to believe. We genuinely had the most perfect relationship before all this, and I don’t know what to do,.I’m scared I’m breaking my family apart for no good reason. But some of the texts have been so horrible, I can’t even include them on here.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
straight_talker24 wrote:
What kind of phone was it that he said he lost? Can he not track it via find my phone I the equivalent if it’s a different brand?
Or maybe tell him to get a new number and then block the one he currently has, if the messages continue then atleast you will know it’s actually him.
OP responded:
I don’t know much about the phone, it was Apple, not sure the model. But he says he can’t track it, I have already asked. I may see about him changing numbers.
confidentrobin1 wrote:
There are ways to spoof a number to make it look like someone else. Though, I don’t see why anyone would do that here. Have you ever received a message when he was in the same room as you? Or a place you could see him? Was he on his phone during that time?
OP responded:
No, I’ve never received a message when he has been around that’s what makes it so scary. And some of the stuff he says is stuff I thought only he knows and maybe people close to us.
MinecraftMum66 wrote:
From my understanding, when you get a new sim with the same number, it stops the old sim from working. So no one can send text from his old sim. I worked in the industry over 20 years ago, so things might have changed. Has he had a doctors visit to see if he is having a mental health crisis.
Change your phone number, but keep your old Sim in another phone, so you can track what is going on. Don't tell your husband. Is he having an affair? Could his affair partner be sending these text to break up your marriage. There are so many scenarios as to why this is happening. I think you made the right move getting out of your home.
sproutin wrote:
OP, have you searched his trash folder for deleted texts? Has he given you permission to search his phone? Idea- ask him to let you take his phone for a day while he's at work. If the texts keep coming, you can rule it out that way? If he really didn't do it, letting you borrow his phone for a day wouldn't be an issue right?
Pawsymcmurderkittens wrote:
I don’t know how number spoofing works, so I don’t know how likely it is that another phone is using his same number while his current phone has it. You need to ask the carrier. You could tell him that if he isn’t sending them, you both need to go to the police and file a report for the harassment.
Or just do it. But please be cautious about telling him you are going to do this if you are genuinely afraid of him. It seems like he should want to get to the bottom of this if he is truly not doing it, but do not put yourself in danger to get an admission.