'AITA for ghosting my daughter after I found out her mom was cheating on me?' UPDATED

Is it wrong to abandon my girlfriend's daughter because my girlfriend has been cheating on me?

Update is after the comments.

BigLawnjj writes

I (26M) was in a relationship with my girlfriend (26F) for 6 years. I was engaged to her, and our marriage was scheduled in a few months' time. My girlfriend had a daughter at a really young age. Her ex left the state immediately after he heard she got pregnant. When I started dating my girlfriend, her daughter was 2.

Over the past 6 years, I have pretty much considered her my own daughter and treated her as such. I had plans to legally become her stepfather after marriage. I loved my daughter so much.

However, a couple of months ago, my girlfriend confessed she had been having an affair after I saw her texts from her coworker. The texts were so outrageous that she really couldn’t lie about the affair. She said she had been having an affair for a few months.

I obviously canceled the engagement and the wedding and moved out a week later. My girlfriend's daughter was a bit confused, and it hurt me, but I really did not want to be around my girlfriend anymore.

I have now completely cut off contact with both my girlfriend and her daughter. My girlfriend still texts me frequently and is asking me to reconsider at least maintaining a relationship with her daughter temporarily because her daughter has constantly been asking where her dad is and even been crying a lot.

This does hurt me a lot, and I really wanted to maintain a relationship with my girlfriend’s daughter, but the issue is that if I do go over to their house, I will have to see my girlfriend’s face, and I just can’t stand to see her face anymore. I am trying to leave it all behind and already started going on new dates. Am I the AH?"

Here are the top comments:

Undbitr957 says:

Say goodbye to the little girl. Tell her the truth or that you both don't love each other anymore and that you still love her but have to leave.

Shock_Upstairs says:

You should probably move on. It'll be the best way to get over it. You'll only hurt yourself more by seeing your ex. And when your ex gets in another relationship she'll just cut you out of her daughter's life and there's nothing you can do about it since you have no legal right to see her.

TickityTickityBoom says:

NTA (Not the A&^#ole). Write a lovely letter saying it’s not anything she’s done, it’s just her mother and you are no longer friends, and give your ex’s daughter a keepsake (small stuffed toy) perhaps say you have an identical one and when you see it it reminds you of her and all the good times together.

no_thanks_9802 says:

Maybe she should have thought about her daughter before having an affair. I've said this before, cheating doesn't just affect the significant other, it affects their child(ren) as well. She needs to own her actions and get her daughter into therapy to help cope with the loss of her "dad". NTA.

brittdre16 says:

She is so young. This is just a tough situation. You really can’t keep a relationship without your ex at this time. It would also be confused her the girl. NTA. Her mom put her here, sadly.

OP provided an update:

The guilt of not giving my ex’s daughter closure was eating me up, and the comments agreed that she would probably develop trauma issues in the future if she didn’t get closure. So, even though I didn’t want to communicate with my ex ever again, I did it one final time to give her daughter closure.

This morning, I texted my ex and asked her if she could drop her daughter off at a neutral location in the evening so I could spend a few hours with her and give her proper closure.

My ex agreed, and in the evening, she dropped her daughter off to me. Her daughter was really happy and emotional when she saw me, and we spent the next few hours doing a bunch of fun stuff.

After a few hours, as her mom was on her way to pick her up, I told her that this would be the last time she would ever see me, and it was not her fault at all. She broke down in tears, kept asking why, and begged me to never leave. I lied and told her I had to move to a different country and would never come back.

I told her that if she wanted to make me happy, she had to be good to her mom. I gave her a stuffed dog toy and also a letter. She was really emotional and cried a lot at the end, especially when her mom came to finally pick her up. I said my goodbyes and told her I would always remember her.

And that is probably my final update. Today was really heart-wrenching, especially seeing my ex's daughter crying like that, but I hope this gives her the closure she needs, and that she understands it was not her fault.

As for me, I will carry on with my life as usual, although right now, I’m feeling extremely hurt and devastated. I have a nice job offer in another state which I will probably accept. A change in scenery will also probably be good for me and my mental health.

What do you think? Is OP right to never see his daughter again?