'AITA for wanting to drop out of a wedding after catching my best friend bad mouth me to her friends?'
"AITA for falling out with my bestfriend before her wedding?"
Breezyboi1089 writes:
To give context, my best friend of 13 years is getting married in 6 weeks and asked me to be her maid of honor. I’ve put a lot of time, effort, and money into planning her hen-do, which happened this past weekend.
Unfortunately, I came down with a cold the night before. I let her know in the morning, as she usually prefers to avoid seeing me when I’m ill, but I told her I still wanted to be there for her. She said she appreciated the heads-up and wanted me to come anyway.
The hen do plan went really well, and I pushed through the day, taking cold and flu tablets and trying to stay upbeat. By 1:30 a.m. at the club, I’d lost my voice and was in pain, so I let her know I was heading back to our apartment but hoped she enjoyed the rest of the night. She said she understood, we hugged, and she said, "See you soon."
The next morning, while photos were being shared in the group chat, I saw one posted by her older sister with the caption “f%@k Lucy” (my name!). It was clearly meant to be private and sent by mistake.
I was shocked and upset. I sent it to my best friend with a question mark, and she just replied, “idk it wasn’t me.” When we spoke, she admitted she knew her family and family friends had been talking negatively about me but didn’t want to cause drama because she “only gets one hen do.”
This really hurt. I’ve always been loyal to her and would never let anyone, including my own family, speak badly about her. I felt betrayed that she allowed that to happen and also joined in, and is now brushing off my feelings to keep things smooth for her wedding.
She hasn’t addressed her family’s behavior but expects me to continue as maid of honor and act like nothing happened. She’s choosing not to understand why I’m upset, even though her actions go against what I value in our friendship, and I’ve explained that I’m hurt.
I feel disrespected, unsupported, and no longer comfortable being in this role, especially alongside people who were bitching about me behind my back. Honestly, it feels like a friendship-ending situation. AITA for thinking about stepping down as maid of honor or even ending the friendship?
OP added more context in the comments.
SlappySlapsticker asks:
"And also joined in" What is the context of her joining in? Earlier parts of your post make it sound like she just didn't step in to stop it. "And is now brushing off my feelings to keep things smooth for her wedding." I mean...she has a lot on her plate with a wedding in six weeks, maybe trying to address things now doesn't give the matter the space it deserves?
"...For thinking about stepping down as maid of honor or even ending the friendship." Unfortunately they'll be one and the same. To be honest whichever way you go I don't think you're an a-hole. Based off the info here though it's kind of hard to say your friend is one; or just someone who chose to be Switzerland cause of whatever else she has going on.
OP responded:
She admitted complaining about me after I’d left to which I guess the others than took as ammunition/thought it was okay to b^&*h about me for. I think you’re right about them being one and the same to be fair.
I don’t want to fall out with her, but I simply can’t dismiss how I feel and would never expect her to do that in my shoes either just because I didn’t want to confront difficult conversations. I feel she should think it’s completely wrong that I got ganged up on after leaving but she seems to care less as she just wants to imagine everyone getting along, despite the evidence being otherwise.
alliandoalice says:
Why did they say that? Were they mad because you were sick?
OP responded:
It stemmed from me leaving the club earlier than them to go back to our hen apartment, so presumably it’s because I left early. I had been out with them from 10:00am to 1:30am. There hasn’t been an exact reason provided to me as to why they shit talked, I’ve just been told it shouldn’t have happened.