'I hate my ex-husband and his wife. Co-parenting with them is complete hell.' UPDATED
"I hate my ex-husband and his wife."
I just got a long email from my kid's stepmom pretty much telling me that she doesn’t mind giving the kids extra clothing to go to school so long as they get it back from my house because the issue isn’t who bought it, but the issue is getting decent clothing back.
At the same time I get a text message from my ex-husband berating me because I didn’t clip my sons fingernails on this trip because I can’t find my nail clippers. I have a household of five, and I am the only income.
My kids don’t get brand new clothing at my house. My kids have to wear their clothing until it’s threadbare because I can’t afford to run out and get them new clothes or even to go to Goodwill and get them clothes all the time. I do the best I can on an income of $42,000 for a family of five.
I don’t get child support for my ex-husband and between him and his wife they make 80 to 90 grand a year depending on how busy his business is. I’m currently in college trying to get my bachelors degree and it’s not cheap or easy to try to do that and work full-time and take care of my kids.
And I responded that the two of them always point out what I’m doing wrong, how my kids are suffering because I am in school, and I can’t spend a lot of time with them, and just generally picking me apart. I hate them. I’m trying so hard to hold it all together and do the best I can and it’s never enough.
And I really truly feel hatred for those two, and I hate it. I’m sorry if my rant doesn’t make sense, right now, I have to use talk to text because my phone screen is cracked and it doesn’t read my finger tapping correctly. Thank you for giving me a space and a moment to get that off my chest and rant a little bit.
The internet had OPs back.
sunflower53069 wrote:
You are doing the best you can and I am sure your kids know you love them. You should try to get some child support. Sounds like he is getting off easily.
OP responded:
The last time we went to court, the only thing that happened is I got the ability and the right to claim the children on taxes every year until they are adults. The majority of his business he gets paid cash under the table and the little bit of cash. He doesn’t get paid under the table or that he does claim is not enough to get child support from him.
And they don’t look at his wife’s income so, I’ve been through this. Maybe if I get into a better financial situation and can afford a lawyer I’ll revisit it. I only have two more years and then I’ll have my degree.
ApocolpyseJoe wrote:
If he makes that much money why aren't you getting child support?
OP responded:
Because on paper, I make more than him because he doesn’t report his full earnings, and I have no way of proving that. I’ve been through this for the last four years. I only have two children in common with him and on paper I make almost double what he makes and they don’t look at his wife’s income.
[deleted] responded:
She said they make 80-90 a year between them…that means he also only makes about the same as OP but has a partner who contributes to their household. Step mom is not responsible for paying child support.
OP responded:
She makes the bulk at 65k/year. He under reports his earnings because he’s flaunted he makes 30-40k a season. But he reports 10-15k. Unless he’s lied to me. Which could be the case too. But knowing him I doubt it.
ApocolpyseJoe responded:
Is it under-reporting or just business expenses that take away from his gross income, causing him to pay less tax? I’m not a lawyer but I’m pretty sure her income wouldn’t count.
OP responded:
Her income doesn’t count. I’ve been dealing with this for going on 5 years now. I’ve gone to court several times. With my clinicals starting this fall and the work load for nursing school increasing, I don’t have it in me to fight a court battle too. At least not right now. I just need to focus on getting through the next two years and getting licensed.
Two years later, OP shared an update.
I made a post here 2 yrs ago
I originally posted how I hated my ex husband and his wife. I have an update, or several. One; I’m a RN now. My kids have new clothes and thanks to your advice I was able to keep them in really nice clothes until I was able to afford new stuff.
Two; I have a bf, this is relevant. My ex made fraudulent claims about him to DCF. He was eventually told if he continued then the p0lice would be involved. He still has moments where he slips up but he’s been more helpful and less condescending, by a lot.
Thank you to whoever suggested the parenting app. The court agreed it was a good move and I think that above all else has made a huge difference. Not sure who cares but I wanted to say thanks!
The internet was glad to hear from OP again.
AdorableStrength319 wrote:
I remember that post. I'm so glad you're on track and doing well! I'm sorry no one responded to your post about your best friend. Sending you a little internet hug (if wanted) for that. I hope she's still in your life being your bestie.
OP responded:
She is! She actually got her nursing degree too. Life’s been amazing. Thank you so much!
KinkyKiki wrote:
I'm currently helping my boyfriend through a divorce. He has 2 kids. Only 1 is a minor. What parenting apps do you recommend?
OP responded:
We have OurFamilyWizard
Mamabear4485 wrote:
Congratulations OP. Learning to manage complex situations will really help you to thrive in your new career.
I’m a strong advocate of parenting apps - even have a note saved to post a reply to people when they’re in crisis on here!
I was actually one of the first adopters in a large US county when dealing with an incredibly difficult other parent. It’s now recommended as a part of the routine advice offered by that county. I hope you, your family and your new special friend all continue to thrive and succeed.