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'I heard my husband cry in the bathroom after we bumped into his ex?' 'She was pregnant.' AITA?

'I heard my husband cry in the bathroom after we bumped into his ex?' 'She was pregnant.' AITA?


"I heard my husband cry in the bathroom after we bumped into his ex?"

My husband and I met 2 years ago. He proposed six months later and told me he knew I was the one when he met me and that he didn’t want to waste time or lose me. I was (still is) head over heels and agreed. We have been married for 6 months and expecting our first baby.

Last weekend we bumped into his ex. They were together for 9 years but she ended the relationship when he didn’t take the relationship to the next level. When we got engaged and married my husband texted her to tell her and to apologize and talked about fate and how some things aren’t meant to be.

I remember asking him why, he said that he owed it to her that so she doesn’t hear it from other people and not be prepared. They broke up 3 years ago (edit not 4; it was October-December 2021; bad math).

She was pregnant and holding hands with a kid that could be 7 or 8 years old and she was with a man who was obviously her partner and they were very affectionate towards each other. My husband said hi even though we could walk by unnoticed by them but he insisted to talk.

When we got home I heard him crying in the bathroom. Now he has been depressed and distant the whole week. I realized he must’ve written to her after we got home and he showed me his phone and yes he has.

Again apologized for what he did and told her that some things are not meant to be. Would I be the ah if I confronted him about what’s going on? Why is he doing this?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Ok_Perception1131 said:

It sounds like he misses her. I would be heartbroken if my husband felt this way about another woman. I’m sorry.

Denethorstomato92 said:

NTA. I would lose a little bit of respect for him in this situation. He was the one that failed to move forward in his previous relationship. Now he’s got “one who got away” syndrome. He needs to be the mature one and be happy for his ex as she now has the family and life she wanted. He needs to value what he has now right in front of him before he ruins another relationship/family.

3bitaites said:

NTA. I think the current language for what you're experiencing is "dream girl" vs. "placeholder". You already know the answer to your own question, but you're here to make sure you haven't gone crazy. Which you definitely haven't.

You're right to feel hurt and suspicious. Sending those messages is so disrespectful. It's just him trying to get her attention, anyway. And he's trying to get an in with a married woman with children. Yikes.

By all means talk to him, but please do yourself a favor and put your own feelings above his tears. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't actually love you, it's time you can spend looking for someone who does or looking after yourself and your baby, when they arrive.

roshidawg23 said:

NTA. I’d just ask straight up...Do you plan to resolve these unaddressed emotions in therapy and commit to me fully so we can both have peace of mind? I feel like that’s reasonable. If not...I’m sorry but better now than years later you find this out.

Electric-Fun said:

The fact that he keeps reaching out to her tells me he's not over her. He keeps trying to establish contact. He wants her attention. I'm curious what her responses have been. But you are NTA, OP.

Admirable_Witness_82 said:

NTA. He may have loved her. But when someone can't commit to you after nine damn years what is that love really worth. If you are both adults when you meet what was taking so long. I think being the one kicked to the curb is what's gnawing at him. And knowing after all this time she still made the right decision.

Sources: Reddit
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