'AITA for 'hiding' assets from my aunt's estate from my cousins?'

"AITA for 'hiding' assets from my aunt's estate from my cousins?"

I (40F) am the only daughter in my family. My aunt is my father’s only sibling. It wasn’t until after my paternal grandparents had died that my aunt revealed to my father that she had gotten pregnant in college at 19 and had given the baby up for adoption. She has been openly lesbian since grad school, longer than I have been alive. She and her late wife never pursued having children together.

Although she told my father, the whole matter remained a secret until my cousin contacted her on his 35th birthday. He is my cousin, period. That said, he has his adoptive parents’ last name, not my aunt’s or mine.

Through no fault of his own, he never met my grandparents. My cousin and his son, my little cousin, visit my aunt once or twice a year and communicate a bit on social media. He has never celebrated a holiday with the larger family. He has attended one wedding and no funerals. My aunt has spent some holidays with him, but only when she flew to visit and stayed with his family as a guest.

My aunt told my dad that she wants to leave everything to “Cousin and Little Cousin.” A will was only made when I pointed out that legally they are not considered family and inheritance would not be automatic under the law. It could also create tax complications without a proper will.

I do not care about any money or other assets my aunt may have. What I care about, deeply, is my paternal grandmother’s jewelry. My grandmother’s will was fairly general except when it came to her jewelry. She gave her favorite matching set to me and left the rest specifically to my aunt, her only daughter.

She also expressed a non-legally binding wish that one piece be reset to match my set after my aunt’s death, implying it was to pass to me. She did not leave jewelry to my brothers, my dad, or her daughters-in-law.

When my aunt’s dementia worsened, I began placing all of my grandmother’s jewelry that my aunt was not actively wearing or keeping in the memory care ward, items that were explicitly my grandmother’s and not separate purchases by my aunt, into a safety deposit box in my name, my aunt’s name, and my brother’s name.

My brother is the only one who lives in town in case of an emergency. It is important to note that my immediate family handles all caretaking for my aunt’s estate and personal needs, not my cousin.

My dad was angry when he found out. He said everything should go to my cousin. “He’s her son. It’s his inheritance. She was his grandmother.” But my cousin already had two other women he called “grandma,” and he refers to my grandmother as “your grandmother,” not “my grandmother.” My grandmother was also very traditional and strongly favored the women in her family when it came to her jewelry.

To be fair, I might feel more open to sharing if my little cousin were a girl or even a boy with an interest in jewelry, but that is not the case. So, am I justified in believing that the pieces owned by my foremothers and explicitly passed down through the women in the family should remain with me? Or is my great-grandmother’s and grandmother’s jewelry solely my aunt’s property to pass on as she chooses, and I am just being selfish?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

No_Pick_8808 says:

I get it. You want that jewelry for sentimental reasons. But it's legally not yours. You don't have a leg to stand on and frankly what you're doing is inheritance theft. I assume that it's valuable pieces, otherwise you'd just offer to buy them from your cousin. But especially if they are valuable that's the thing to do. Explain the emotional value, ask for the possibility to buy them back. Hiding part of the inheritance is theft and makes YTA.

Puskarella says:

YTA here. The set your grandmother specifically left to you is yours. It doesn't matter what she implied or not. She may well have assumed that the other jewelry would go to you. However, it now belongs to your Aunt.

Everything else was left to your Aunt, and it is hers to do with as she wishes. She has made a will. You have absolutely no right to split up her belongings. Not legally, not morally. They are hers to do, she can do what she wants with them and she has made it clear what she wants.

No-Potential-7242 says:

Unfortunately, YTA. Once the jewelry passed from your grandmother to your aunt, it became your aunt's. Your aunt can decide who to give it to. You can tell her your point of view (once). But you have no right to decide what happens to it. Also, although you're trying to be careful and that's great, it really seems like you fundamentally feel that the cousin isn't your "real" cousin. He is. He is your aunt's son.

AussieKoala-2795 says:

YTA and a thief. You have stolen your aunt's jewelry.

What do you think?