'AITA for humiliating my friend for hitting on my cousin because he's older than her?'
"AITA for 'humiliating' my friend for hitting on my cousin?"
Long-day1789 writes:
I (M25) have been with my fiancée Sofia (F24) since we were 20. She’s Ukrainian, and a few years ago she became close with my younger second cousin Alina (F18). Alina is mixed Russian-American, and when they met at Thanksgiving, they clicked right away.
They enjoy cooking together, speaking the same language, and going to church sometimes. After Alina’s mom passed away, she started spending much more time with us. Her Russian side of the family doesn’t live nearby, and there isn’t a big Slavic community where we live.
So here’s the situation. Last weekend, Sofia and Alina drove out to a little bakery a couple hours away to get some borodinsky bread. While they were gone, I had a few friends over to watch the game. When they came back, I introduced Alina to everyone and made a point of saying she’s my younger cousin.
She said hello, all normal. Then the storm outside picked up and we lost the sports channel. We all sat down for dinner, and one of my friends, Matt (27), made a creepy comment toward Alina along the lines of, “Forget the game, I could just watch her walk around all night.”
The whole table went silent. Alina froze and looked really uncomfortable. Just a minute earlier she had been talking about college. I said, “What did you just say? That’s disgusting, she’s 18.” He responded with something like, “That’s legal, why are you so worked up?”
I told him directly, “You’re not welcome in my home anymore. Get out.” I might have muttered something about him being a creep, but at that point I didn’t care. I stood up and waited until he left.
After that, the vibe recovered quickly and everyone else had a good time. Later, Matt wrote in the group chat that I humiliated him for no reason, that I was a terrible friend, and that I used the situation as an excuse to kick him out. He said I could have just mentioned that Alina was 18.
I don’t think I overreacted. Alina looked very uncomfortable. She lost her mom recently and has been relying on us for support. The last thing I want is for her to associate my home with some older guy making her feel unsafe. Sofia told me I did the right thing, and that if we hadn’t kicked him out, the message to Alina would have been that it’s okay for men to make her uncomfortable.
Matt also said I was being overprotective, and that plenty of guys would have hit on her before. Honestly, I didn’t like him much even before this, but he’s part of my group, so I felt I had to invite him. I would have preferred not to.
AITA? I can admit that the way I said everything may have been embarrassing for him, maybe even more than necessary. If it had been another friend, I might have been a bit less harsh.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Becalmandkind says:
NTA. Even if Alina was older, it’s an inappropriate comment about your family member. You all were not in a bar, you were in a family home. He’s a creep and you made the right decision to kick him out.
Alina is 18 and being protective of her is the right thing to do. Matt doesn’t get to decide the appropriate level of protectiveness you have for your cousin. Your care for her warms my heart.
Zestyclose-Height-36 says:
NTA. 18 is way too young for him, and you are not required to let a creeper who hits on your cousin under your roof. He is way too old to chase after teenagers.
MJCuddle says:
NTA: Her age isn't even the main issue. Creepy comments towards any of your friends should not be tolerated. Thank you for calling him out. More people need to speak up to protect all women from being sexualized in "casual" conversation.
StorageAlive says:
NTA- but not for the age (which he might not have known/guessed at first). I would just generally find it inappropriate for a guy to make comments on my friends/relatives like that at dinner. If he was interested in her he could have tried to talk to her in a normal way. Also the „it‘s legal“ comment is usually a red flag.