Teen cuts brother out of life; refuses to take his 'I'm sorry' money. Asks AITA?

"I told my brother I don't want him at my graduation."

MyAuntissad writes:

I (16M) was a product of an affair. My mom cheated on her husband (my brother's dad), which caused their divorce. My brother (30M) and I had a good relationship, but his relationship with our mom wasn't really okay.

The problem started when I was around 11; my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. My mom and I were poor, and we didn't really have any insurance, so she wasn't able to afford treatment.

Over time, she was getting progressively worse, and when I was 13, I decided to ask my brother if he could help pay for our mom's treatment because we couldn't afford it, and him and his dad are very well off.

However, he refused. By the time I was 14, I had asked about 5 times already because I was desperate and didn't want to lose my mom. The last time I asked my brother for help, he yelled at me and told me to stop asking him for money because he wasn't gonna give me a dime, and our mom would be the last person he'd help.

After my brother said that, my relationship with him started to deteriorate, and 3 months later, my mom died. I had to live with my Aunt as she gained custody of me. After the funeral, I completely decided to stop having a relationship with my brother altogether.

My Aunt is his aunt, so it's kinda hard to avoid him altogether, but I try my best. He's been trying to come over to my aunt's place more often and to communicate with me, but I've always just locked myself in my room until he left.

The problem was today my aunt decided to hand me her phone and told me my brother wanted to talk to me. Usually when she does this, I just hang up the phone on him, but I guess she knew what I was about to do and told me to "please just talk to him," so I just decided to hear what he wanted to say just for her.

He basically asked me how I was doing and wanted to tell me that he looks forward to seeing me graduate this year and asked me if he could potentially take me on a trip for my birthday (April 3rd) because it falls on spring break. I told him no thanks and I'd prefer if he doesn't come to my graduation, and I hung up. He tried calling my aunt again, but I said I didn't want to talk to him.

My Aunt said okay and didn't try to get me to talk to him again. After about an hour or so, my aunt came into my room crying and told me that I should rebuild a connection with him and that our mom wouldn't want us to act this way toward each other. I told my aunt that I was sorry, but I don't think our relationship could go back to the way it used to be, and I only tolerate him because of her.

When I said that, she just told me she understands and left me alone. But I heard her go into her room, and I can hear her crying through the walls, and I don't know what to do. I know I can't stop him from coming to my graduation if I wanted to, but I just don't want him there at all.

The internet had no jokes.

care2much7589 writes:

This one is beyond what this sub is for. I'm very sorry, dude.

Different_Cupcake403 says:

OP, I think that you should tell your aunt and brother to leave you alone for the meantime. Not because you hate your brother but that you are not done grieving over the way your mother passed away. The pain due to grief is just overwhelming, especially since you lost your loving mother. Time will come when it won't hurt as much.

Then, maybe, you can try having a relationship with your brother. Everything in stages. No one can force this on you because emotions are running high. All in due time.

3_wheeler_of_doom says:

NTA (Not the A%#&ole). I'm sorry for your loss, and that you've had to deal with all of this at such a young age. It's your graduation, if you don't want him there you have every right to say so, and it's your life, if you don't want to build a connection with him no one can force you to.

I's understandable that your aunt is upset by the situation, and she might not realize how you feel about your brother, give it a couple of days and ask her if you can talk to her tell her everything you feel, about your mom, about your brother, all of it.

Tell her that you understand that she is just trying to help, and you can see that she thinks you building a relationship with your brother would be a good thing, but could she please try to see it from your perspective and stop trying to force you to interact with your brother.

The reason I'm suggesting that is you don't know what your brother has told her, and maybe she hasn't really considered how you feel. I hope everything turns out well for you.

What do you think? Should OP let his brother into his life?