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'AITA for inviting my BF to a family party even though he triggers my BIL's 'trauma'?'

'AITA for inviting my BF to a family party even though he triggers my BIL's 'trauma'?'

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"AITA for taking my boyfriend and his daughter to my family gathering knowing it would make my BIL uncomfortable ?"

Subject-Award6014 writes:

For a bit of context, I (M22) have been dating my boyfriend Marc (M27) for two years. He has a daughter, Lily (F7), which is important for the story. I met Marc five years ago when I began babysitting his daughter while he worked (single dad, mom is deceased). Since Lily and I got along great, I became the "sole" babysitter whenever he needed one.

It was practical because we lived two streets apart and overall the best choice—I was available, liked them, and they liked me. Eventually, Marc and I fell in love, and I quickly moved in with him and his daughter, to whom I became a second dad.

But here's the core of the problem: My sister (F35) is married to my BIL (M33), so I see him at every family gathering. He's a relatively nice guy, though we're not friends, but he had never met Marc.

When I started dating Marc, he didn’t want to attend family gatherings at first because he’s not comfortable around people—he’s a shy guy. Of course, I understood that. But last week, it was my mom’s birthday, and she really wanted him and our daughter to be there, so he finally accepted.

When my sister and BIL found out Marc would be there, they were mad at me. I didn’t understand why at first, until she pulled me aside and called me insensitive and selfish toward my BIL for inviting Marc, even though I had no idea why it made him uncomfortable.

Apparently, when my BIL was young, his parents divorced because his dad cheated with his babysitter, and it caused him "trauma." I told her that was ridiculous—that my boyfriend was part of my life, part of my family, and I wouldn’t exclude him because her husband was uncomfortable.

I also reminded her that there was no cheating, no betrayal, or anything shady in my relationship with Marc, but she just called me insensitive again and walked away. My mom’s birthday party was two days ago, and my family loved Marc and Lily.

But all day, my sister and BIL kept glaring at us and muttering insults or mean comments under their breath. They brought it up again after dinner, this time directly to my boyfriend and our daughter, saying things like, "Your dad and his boyfriend are disgusting freaks," or calling Marc a "cheater who doesn’t care about your dead mom."

Obviously, my boyfriend and I absolutely lost it. Knowing my boyfriend’s temper, I told him to take our daughter to the car while I ripped into my sister. We left shortly after, apologizing to my mom for the mess it caused.

Now, my family’s group chat is divided. Most people are on our side, but a few extended relatives are siding with my sister and BIL, saying that we went too far and should’ve just ignored them or left quietly. I know my mom wanted everyone to be there, and I feel really guilty for ruining her birthday with all this drama. So, AITA?

Here are some of OP's responses to comments:

DiligentGoat2406 says:

NTA. Let me get this straight—your sister and BIL wanted you to exclude your partner and his daughter from a family event because of his unrelated childhood trauma? That’s wild. You didn’t invite a "babysitter," you invited your boyfriend and your daughter (yes, Lily is your daughter too).

They’re part of your family now, and you don’t need to apologize for that. What really seals it is the disgusting things they said directly to your boyfriend and Lily. That’s not "uncomfortable," that’s straight-up hateful.

If anyone should be apologizing to your mom for ruining the party, it’s your sister and BIL for bringing their baggage and bigotry to the table. You did the right thing standing up for your family—because that’s what Marc and Lily are. Family isn’t just blood; it’s the people you love and protect, and you did exactly that.

OP responded:

Yes, he keeps saying that it's because of his childhood trauma, but speaking with my boyfriend, we think it's more linked to homophobia, considering they told our daughter that we are "disgusting freaks". But it's even more confusing to me, because I've been out for years, and my sister never had a problem with it.

I maybe would've kept calm if they just insulted me to my face, but Lily is a very fragile kid who tends to take criticism very personally and she cried all the drive home, which broke my heart so badly. It was just an awful day for everyone, and I feel bad for putting my family in this situation.

StructEngineer91 says:

Is this the first time you have been in a serious enough relationship to bring your partner to a family event? Because I 100% bet this is not about any "trauma" your bil may, or may not, have, but is actually his (and your sister's, since she defended him) thin veiled intolerance. At least it sounds like your parents do truly support you.

OP responded:

Yeah, Marc is the first man I introduce to my family. I'm pansexual, so I'm attracted to all genders, and the only other person I brought home was my highschool girlfriend.

What do you think?

Sources: Reddit
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