'AITA for laughing at my BF when he suggested I be a SAHM while he works. He won't be able to support us!'
"AITA for laughing when my boyfriend suggest I be a SAHM?"
SherbertNew2535 writes:
I (23F) recently found out I'm pregnant with my (25M) boyfriend Andrew's child. We have been dating for three years, and our relationship is pretty good. We both want children eventually, though we planned to have them later, after we're a bit more established in our careers.
The pregnancy came as a surprise since we're pretty safe and use contraception. I guess we were just unlucky. Initially, we considered other options to having the baby, but decided to keep it. I graduated college last year and have a job that pays okay money with the possibility of future promotions and raises. My boyfriend works as an electrician and also makes good money, so with both of our incomes, we should be able to afford the baby.
A couple of days after we decided we were keeping our child, Andrew told me that he wanted me to be a SAHM. He said that he believed having a SAHM was better for the baby, that he was raised by a SAHM and loved it, and he wanted to give our child that same life.
He said that he had been talking with his boss who agreed to give him a raise. He also said that with that raise, plus working occasional overtime, he would be able to afford to pay our rent, bills, groceries, and the costs for our baby. He also said he would marry me so I would have extra security.
I admit I burst out laughing when he suggested this. It's just insane to me. Sure, we might be able to afford me being a SAHM, but it would require budgeting every penny he made. I also just graduated - does he really think I went to college for four years just to be a SAHM and spend my days doing his laundry and cooking his meals?
Also, what if he gets sick or dies? Also, I'm the first person in my entire family to earn my degree. My parents were immigrants and both had elementary school-level education. I'm very proud of my education and career - this is something he knows, as I've told him, so I'm surprised he would ever suggest this.
I could tell he was upset and hurt by my reaction, but he accepted my decision without arguing. I was talking about this to one of my friends, and she told me that it was mean of me to laugh. That Andrew was offering to care for me and my baby, and I responded by mocking him. I didn't mean it to come that way, just that his suggestion, to me anyway, was so insane and stupid that I couldn't help it. So, AITAH?
Here are the top comments:
NUredditNU says:
The fact the he would NEED overtime after the raise to make it work means it doesn’t work. Even if you were a SAHM, don’t ever rely exclusively on the words/promises of anyone else to provide for you. Plenty can attest to how that has left them vulnerable. Definitely NTA.
Bob54386 says:
Mental health tip I'd offer to expecting parents, RE: needing overtime to make ends meet. Wait until you've met your kid to figure out how much extra work you can take on. Your time off goes away when the kid gets sick.
Your sleep is lost when the kid wakes up in the night. It takes longer to go anywhere and do anything as you bundle the kid up & setup a diaper bag. Even if one person's at home full time, they will be eager for help so they can turn off the "If I'm not readily available to do 'x' the baby will start crying" mindset.
If you've already committed some of your freetime to new responsibilities, it's another layer of stress on top of more important needs you may not fully appreciate yet.
CruiseDad4eva says:
NTA. Try suggesting he becomes a SAHD and see if he takes it any more seriously than your own reaction.
grandlizardo says:
Having kids, especially unexpectedly, is stressful for everyone. These two need to stand down and give each other a pass for an ill-planned proposal and a stressed reaction. There might be time still to have an intelligent discussion of this idea, although I suspect it will end the same way. Give him some credit for not pushing. Could he be coming under the influence of ugly people, like the Tate guys?
What do you think?