'AITA for leaving a friend's place after she "didn't think about" my comfort at all?'
"AITA for leaving the weekend friend trip?"
throwralxlx writes:
I (F29) and Josie (F30) have been friends since high school. We live apart but still keep in very regular contact. I was invited to stay with her and her husband, Leo (M30), for a few days because their town was having a huge annual festival that we were all interested in attending.
They had asked me to come early this year. Maybe a month or so before, they informed me they had invited some college friends to stay for the weekend as well. I was excited for this because I have only met their college friends a handful of times and I know they are really close.
The plan was for me to stay Thursday through Monday. I should also preface this by saying that when Josie and Leo bought their home, I stayed with them for a month while I was between jobs. This was many years ago now, but since then it has been dubbed "my room."
It is obviously not actually mine, but I have stayed in it every time I have visited them since. I drove four hours to their place on Thursday. When I arrived, their college friends were there already and I was shocked to see it was not just them.
Josie and Leo had invited their friend Shayne and his fiancée, and their friend Sara and her husband. I have met Shayne and Sara before but not their partners. I was immediately irritated because it felt like a couples' get-together already.
I have a partner of nearly three years who I live with, Oliver, whom Josie and Leo have met several times, and he was not invited on this trip. I tried to get over the awkwardness and exchange pleasantries, until I went upstairs to put my bag away and Josie and Leo stopped me and told me that Shayne and his fiancée were staying in that room.
I was like, whoops, my bad, I should not have assumed, and asked if I was in the other, smaller guest room. They said no, Sara and her husband were in there. They then told me they "hoped I was okay with sleeping on the couch."
I was really trying not to be too annoyed or cranky about this, but I had just driven five hours and was under the impression I was getting a bedroom for the weekend, mostly because we had planned this weekend for months and they had never mentioned otherwise.
I would not have been opposed to a couch sleep for maybe one night, but there was no way I was going to sleep on the couch for the entire weekend, especially since we would be drinking and partying pretty heavily.
I asked them why they did not tell me plans had changed so I could get a hotel sooner, and they insisted they did not think I would have a problem sleeping on the couch. Apparently Sara and her husband were planning on getting a hotel but waited too long and could not find an affordable one last minute.
At this point I was really irritated, both by the partner situation and the sleeping arrangements. I called Oliver and he was upset for me. We both looked for hotels in the area but could not find anything affordable for the entire weekend.
I told Oliver about the couples and he was annoyed to not be invited, since he likes Josie and Leo a lot. Finally, after like an hour of back and forth, Oliver asked if I wanted to come home and I honestly really did. I privately told Josie and Leo I was uncomfortable with the situation, wished everyone a good weekend, and drove back home.
I got a call Saturday morning from Josie and she said she was really disappointed that I had acted so rashly and she wished that I had stayed. I told her that I did not understand why she did not update me on the sleeping situation as soon as she knew about it, and she told me the only reason I was booted to the couch was because Sara and her husband both could not fit.
So then I asked her why she did not invite Oliver if she had invited the other couples, and she just said sorry, they had not thought about it. I told her that I was upset and hurt by the situation and I did not regret leaving.
I received another message from her last night saying everyone had left and she was really disappointed in me and that I ruined her weekend because she was upset the entire time. I am starting to feel bad and also FOMO from not being there. I had been really looking forward to the festival and hanging out with everyone. Anyway, AITAH for leaving?
OP added some extra context:
I am untangling some of the feelings I was having. I am upset about being assigned to the couch, especially because it was last minute and I was not told beforehand. An entire weekend of partying with an uncomfortable sleeping arrangement and no privacy really sounded miserable (I am not 22 anymore).
I also do think I am more upset about Oliver's exclusion and just did not piece it together or really held on to the couch as an excuse. It really did feel like it was made into a couples' weekend and somehow Oliver and I were excluded from that. I hated immediately feeling like the seventh wheel.
Here are the top rated comments.
Odd_Welcome7940 says:
NTA..."I am sorry that you ruining my weekend made you feel guilty. "
Crazy4Swayze420 says:
NTA. Just go to the festival next year with Oliver. Make it a romantic getaway. All im going to say is your friend has an odd way of showing being a friend. Everything about this situation is so sketchy. Invites all couples except you and its not like your single. Sticks you on the couch with no advance notice. That is super sketchy. I'd let that friendship go because it doesn't sound like a good one to hold onto.
Numerous-Lack6754 says:
NTA. I was in a similar situation recently. You find out where you are in the pecking order and then there's this expectation that you're supposed to be cool with it even though it's obvious disrespect. You had no choice but to stand up for yourself.
Immediate_Yak5287 says:
NTA you told her you were hurt and upset, and she didn't acknowledge or apologize or anything... Instead texted you later to tell you that you being upset upset her and she was disappointed in you for that. Is she always like this?
No accountability and wants to twist it back on you? She was kind of inconsiderate and somehow you're the one that ruined her weekend because you refused to be uncomfortable to make her comfortable with her decisions.