"AITA for leaving my mom alone at a restaurant on her birthday without paying?"
Perhaps important context to preface, my (17M) father died a few months ago (long story), so we all have not really been in the best place. After my dad died, I immediately got a part time job alongside school to help out and had saved up some money.
It was my mum's birthday, so I decided to treat her to a meal at a restaurant. We got there and placed our orders, and they took a bit longer than usual (but not that long) to come out.
When our food arrived, my mum made a snarky comment to the waitress about the service time and the waitress apologized, saying they were short staffed that day. The waitress left and I thought that was the end of that.
After eating her starter, my mum noticed they made her main "wrong" and immediately got up to find the waitress again. I begged her not to make a scene, but she ignored me. She was not satisfied with the waitress' initial response and began publicly berating her. It became a very one sided confrontation.
Among other things that were inappropriate, she called the waitress several insulting names and asked her if she was "so unable to follow basic instructions." She was yelling about how her husband had just died and she just wanted to have a nice birthday but it was ruined thanks to "this person." The waitress was already crying by this point. The manager tried to throw my mum out and threatened to call the police.
She would not leave, so he called them. At this point I was so mortified and embarrassed that I got my stuff, apologized to the waitress, gave her all the cash in my wallet (which would have covered what I ordered but not much beyond that, and if I had stayed I would have paid by card), and walked out of the place and took the bus home. My mum had driven us there.
When she got home she was furious and started yelling at me, saying that if I had taken her side it would not have gotten to that point and I should have at least tried to deescalate the situation since I knew it was her birthday and she has not been doing well recently.
I told her that I had never seen such poor behavior, that she acted appallingly, and that for someone her age who is supposed to be a role model she should be ashamed. She then threw my phone on the floor and grounded me "until I understand family values." So, what could I have done differently here? AITA for leaving and then talking back to her when she got home? Should I have given her more grace?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
abitofasitdown says:
There's no excuse for berating service staff. This shouldn't be your problem. So, would you say this is really out of character? It may well be that your mum's mental health is suffering after your bereavement, and she needs some help. Again, this shouldn't be your problem, not least as you are so deeply bereaved, too - but is there another adult you could raise this with, who could get her some help?
OP responded:
Yes, it's definitely out of character - I've never seen her do or say anything like this before, though obviously I don't know what she does outside of my presence. But it really shocked me - she's the type of mum where if I had said that I would be in massive trouble.
Classic_Ad3987 says:
You were right to leave. You mom displaced her anger about her husband dying onto the waitress. You mom needs to head to therapy to figure out why she did that and learn coping skills so she never does that again. She obviously is not dealing well with the death of a loved one.
Skankyho1 says:
NTA. Having just lost her husband doesn’t give her the right to be mean to service workers. You did the right thing saying something to your mum.