'AITA for agreeing with my niece when she talks badly about my sister in public?'
"AITA for not supporting my sister after our niece/her stepdaughter talked badly about her publicly?"
Pleasant_Prune_6065 says:
The title might be confusing, so let me explain. All names are fake, by the way. I have two sisters: Jenna (39f) is the oldest, and Kate (36f) is the middle. I’m (28f) the youngest of the girls in our family. Jenna started dating Joe (40m) in high school, and they got married at 20 and had their first child three years later.
Together, they had Belle (16f), Kai (14m), and Sorin (13m). When the kids were younger, Jenna learned that Kate and Joe were having an affair. She kicked Joe out and disowned Kate from that day forward.
The kids were at least somewhat aware of the fact that Dad and Aunt Kate got together too quickly for it not to have started when he was married to Mom. It ruined Kate’s relationship with the kids.
They were close before. And Jenna was always glad that they turned against Kate and didn’t turn her into "Mom #2." Kate and Joe eventually got married, and Kate tried to act like she was now just a stepmom to the kids—or more like a second mom.
I sided with Jenna and made it clear to Kate that I thought she and Joe were so gross, and even if they hadn’t wronged Jenna (which they did), they made life so much more complicated for the kids.
Of all the kids, Belle is the most vocal and clear in her opposition to Kate. She has told Kate she hates her and has made it her mission to make Kate’s life hard every time she’s with her and Joe. Belle doesn’t ignore the fact that her dad is to blame, but he’s far less interested in healing his relationship with his kids.
Kate, however, cares a lot, from what I’ve been told. I don’t really see or speak to her anymore, but I’m close with the kids, and other family members see them together sometimes. Anyway, Belle has really given Kate a hard time, and it bothers Kate.
Until recently, Kate thought she could win them over, but then she found out that Belle had publicly told friends, friends’ parents, people at school, and people in Kate’s life at work that Kate and Joe had an affair and that Kate and Jenna are sisters. People have seriously turned on Kate, and it’s hurt her socially and at work. She’s also being snubbed more in general.
Kate was hurt and tried to come to me for comfort and advice on “what to do” about Belle. But I told her she should talk to our brothers (33m and 30m) or someone who supports her.
I told her I wouldn’t be able to give any good or helpful advice and that she’s just dealing with the consequences of what she did to our sister. She told me I could still be a better sister to her instead of refusing to offer my support. She said that no matter what, we’re still sisters, and she did nothing to me.
OP responded to some of the top rated comments:
Empress_ofthe_Stars says:
NTA - Unfortunately, Kate FAFO, that anyone in your family still talks to her is very compassionate and forgiving. Have either Kate or the husband try to reconcile with the family and apologize for their dastardly behavior?
Kate could seek counsel from a therapist or a pastor or literally anyone outside of the family. To claim that she has done nothing to you so you should support her shows she doesn't understand the severity of her actions nor how it has impacted the entire family.
OP responded:
There was never an apology. Joe never cared enough about the consequences to make one. Kate did care a certain amount but more so, I think, about the consequences to her than the hurt caused.
The fact that she lost the respect and love of the kids was a big thing but also she lost me, Jenna and our parents mostly. Our brothers talk to her the most but even they don't have a close relationship with Kate anymore.
Only-Ingenuity7889 says:
"What to do?" Don't f%#$ married men. NTA.
OP responded:
Especially your sisters husband and the father to your niece and nephews.