'AITA for making my unemployed friend feel like a free loader because she expects us to buy her food?'
"AITA for making a comment about my friend not having a job after she expected us to buy her food?"
Vulpixgirl0528 writes:
A while ago, I was in the car with some friends, and we were all driving to an art store. One of my friends (let’s call her Anna) mentioned she was hungry. Her boyfriend was in the back seat with her, and they started talking about what to eat.
For context, we are all adults, but Anna does not work and does not like spending her boyfriend’s money. We suggested a pizza place, but she said, "Well, I do not mind eating off your plates." Without really thinking, I responded, "Of course you don't."
The car got quiet after that. We ended up skipping food and just went to the art store, but Anna stayed in the car, pouting. Later, she got upset with me, saying I made her feel bad for not having a job. Her boyfriend also told me I should not have said that.
For context, she is not really a friend anymore, just my ex’s sister and my daughter’s aunt. When this happened, I was living with my ex and his family, seven people total. At the time, only her boyfriend and I were working.
My ex was doing college work and getting paid for it, while his parents (both ex-military and 100 percent disabled) lived off their benefits. Anna had tried to file for disability but was denied, yet still refused to work or help out around the house.
I do not live with them anymore, but I do have anxiety and am on the spectrum, so I struggle with social cues sometimes. My brain just resurfaced this memory, and I started feeling bad about it again. I wanted to know if I was actually in the wrong or if I was overthinking it.
Anna can work but has chosen not to. I did not mean to make her feel bad, but I also felt like it was an awkward comment for her to make in the first place. Now I am wondering if I was out of line. Am I the bad person?
OP responded to some comments.
Ok-Position7403 says:
NTA. Are you serious? An adult fully capable of working who chooses not to, has basically just invited a carload of people (but not her boyfriend) to buy food that she is going to help herself to, without paying. How in the world would YOU be TA here? Does she think she's so adorable that everybody loves to give her their scraps, like she's a pet, and nobody minds her freeloading?
Were you all supposed to feed her boyfriend too, so he doesn't have to spend any money? How does she usually get fed, if she doesn't work and doesn't want to spend her boyfriends money? I understand why she wants to be friends with you, but why are you friends with her?
OP responded:
She was my ex's sister and she was 21 at the time. She lived with us and I cooked dinner most nights or her mother did and she would eat the food we boy for groceries.
Individual_Cloud7656 says:
So because she was a freeloader when you lived with your ex, you're friends with her?
OP responded:
Not friends with her anymore I just didn't know how to word it. But I also don't have any common sense.