'AITA for making my husband a full roast dinner for his birthday while he's on a diet?'
"AITA for making my husband a full roast dinner while I know he's on a cut?"
Traditional_Kale_451 writes:
My (25F) husband (28M) had his birthday about a month and a half ago, and I made him a full roast dinner for the occasion. We met in university and have been married for three years.
The whole time I’ve known him, he has always complained that he loves roast dinners, the big ones like you’d have at Christmas, but that he has to wait all year to eat them because people only make them around the holidays. Anyone who knows him could probably tell you this because it’s one of his go-to conversation topics.
For context, when we met and got married, my husband was a bit chubbier. I love him, and I’ve always liked how he looks. Honestly, I’m into bigger guys. In the last year or so, though, my husband has gotten very into fitness.
He follows a lot of fitness content on social media, and he’s gotten quite buff. I’m not into fitness at all. I hate the gym and much prefer walking, biking, or swimming. But I’ve tried to be supportive. I don’t really understand much about what he tells me, but I nod along when he talks about protein and celebrate his new personal bests, even if I don’t have a real sense of what they mean.
For his 28th birthday in July, I decided to make him a big roast dinner, since I know how much he loves them. I originally wanted it to be a full surprise, but I realized there was no way to hide a whole ham in the oven, so I talked to him about it. He liked the idea and said his birthday could be his “cheat day.”
On his birthday, which fell on a Wednesday, he finished work early. His parents, his sister, her husband and their two kids, and his brother all came over. His parents and sister brought sides, and his brother brought drinks.
It turned into a big family dinner, just like a proper Christmas roast, plus a cake. I laid everything out on the table, but when my husband walked in, he was holding one of his meal prep containers with chicken, rice, and broccoli.
Everyone was confused. He explained that he wasn’t going to ruin his diet for one meal, and that the rest of us could enjoy the food while he ate what he had prepared. His mom was furious and scolded him as I stood there, completely shocked.
I eventually asked him to explain because he had specifically said that his birthday could be his cheat day, and I had worked hard to make this special for him. He told us his friends had invited him to the pub on Friday, so that was going to be his cheat day instead.
His brother suggested he could just eat beans, roast potatoes, and turkey since it would be close enough, but my husband refused and said no one could make him eat something he didn’t want.
In the end, he plated his prepped meal while the rest of us nibbled on the roast. It was one of the most tense meals I’ve ever experienced, and I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. After everyone left, my husband blew up at me for “letting his mom think he was being rude.”
He thought it was my fault she was upset and said I should have defended him, presenting a “united front.” That Friday, he went out with his friends, got very drunk, and I had to pick him up at 2 a.m.
It’s now been a month and a half, and we haven’t really talked about the birthday dinner. We’re both busy with work, and he spends a lot of time at the gym. Honestly, I feel like he has been avoiding me. He has been cold and distant, and I’ve started to think maybe I should just apologize to move past this.
The problem is, I don’t feel completely at fault. It’s not like he seemed particularly enthusiastic about the roast idea, but he did agree and even said it could be his cheat day. I thought I was doing something nice for him, and it backfired.
I don’t really have people to talk this over with. My close friends live a few hours away since we moved for his job, I don’t want to get into this with coworkers, and I already know where his mom stands.
The more time passes, the more I wonder if I was being inconsiderate. Maybe I pushed too hard on the roast idea. On the other hand, I can’t shake the feeling that it isn’t entirely my fault either, which makes me hesitant to apologize. So I’m hoping for some clarity from impartial people. AITA?
People responded to OP's post.
Mhicil says:
You talked to him about it; he agreed to it being his cheat day. The day of the dinner he blew you, all your hard work and his whole family off for his “mates”. You're NTA, your husband is, and if anyone should apologize it’s him for being such an a&#%&le.
Dachshundmom5 says:
He cared more about drinking with his buddies than sharing a special occasion with his family. He prioritizes basically everything over you. He does not respect you or care about the effort you put in. He couldn't even pretend to do so in front of his family.
There's a lot of issues here, but you don't need to be apologizing, you need to be taking a long hard look at your marriage. Is he even being faithful? Cause he does jot seem to care about you or the marriage.
cowandspoon says:
NTA. But your husband is. You have nothing to apologize for, and he’s just an ungrateful wanker.
Proper_End_6107 says:
He's a total jerk. But, I also wonder if the sudden coldness and picking beers with his mates over something you'd prearranged, is there a possibility he's cheating?