'AITA because I made my SIL cry because I won't change my dog's name?'
"AITA for making my SIL cry because I won’t change my dogs name?"
I (18f) have a blended family. My mom married my stepdad a little over four years ago, and they met just before Covid. My stepdad has two other children from previous relationships: my sister (who was my best friend before our parents met) who is 17f, and my older brother who is 26m. (By the way, I don’t use “step” throughout the story, it’s just easier for explaining.)
Anyway, my brother is engaged to his fiancée Mia. They have been together for around ten years, and she has been a part of their family and now our family for a long time. I have never had any issues with my sister-in-law until last night. Last night my brother and Mia came over for dinner. Everything was fine and all of us were talking, playing music, and playing with our dogs before dinner.
It is important to note that one of our dogs was brought home a year before my mom and stepdad met, which means we did not know anything about Mia when we got our second dog. Our second dog’s name is Mia, which is a funny coincidence because that is also my sister-in-law’s name.
When we first met my sister-in-law, she thought it was cute that the dog had the same name and even joked about it. It was never really brought up again except for the occasional joke from someone in the family about the matching names.
So we were playing with the dogs, and I called the dog over to grab her ball. My sister-in-law made a strange face and said, “Maybe we should change the dog’s name. It’s kind of annoying having the same name.” Everyone laughed it off, including me, but she did not laugh and made it clear she was completely serious.
She continued and said we could change the dog’s name to “Tia” because it was only one letter different and would not be a big deal. I was shocked and could not believe she was serious, so I awkwardly laughed and said something like, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”
My sister-in-law got very upset and said she did not want a dog, especially a hunting dog of all things, to have her name. (The dog is a Jack Russell, but she does not hunt anything except socks and the occasional shoe.) She then said it was disrespectful toward her if we did not change the dog’s name immediately.
I replied and told her we named the dog before we even met her or knew she existed, and that I was not going to change my nearly eight-year-old dog’s name just because she had a problem with it. If we had just gotten a puppy and she did not like the name, that would be different, but the dog is older and not a puppy.
She got upset again and tried to get my mom involved. She told my mom that the dog was technically my mom’s, so my mom should decide whether we changed her name. Spoiler alert: my mom said the exact same thing I did and told her we were not changing the dog’s name.
My mom also told her that we have nicknames for the dog (we call her Pumba and a few other names because she is built like a little barrel, a healthy barrel) and that we try to use those nicknames when my sister-in-law is around to avoid confusion.
My sister-in-law still was not accepting it and said it was not the same. She became very serious and insisted the dog’s name needed to be changed because it was really upsetting her. This might be where I became the one in the wrong. I turned to her and said:
“You can’t seriously expect us to change the dog’s name that we have had since before we even met you just because you can’t handle a dog having the same name as you. You need to handle it the way a normal person would and move on.”
I know that was probably not the best response in an already heated situation, but that is how I reacted. Shortly after that she started crying and told my brother she wanted to leave.
So long story short, we did not end up having a family dinner last night, and now my sister-in-law is texting my stepdad and mom about how rude I was and that I need to apologize. My mom thinks I should apologize, but I do not really want to.
I also do not know if I am in the wrong because I am only seeing this from my point of view and my feelings. So it would be nice to have a stranger’s opinion from someone who does not know any of us.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
foelay says:
Does SIL fail to realize there’s other humans in the world with her name as well, and not just dogs? It’s your dog, therefore you have the privilege to name it. An 8 year old dog also isn’t going to simply realize its name has been changed, she likely won’t even acknowledge it if you tried. Which you shouldn’t! You’re NTA, your SIL is immature and needs a reality check. You don’t own names.
BravoWhiskey89 says:
NTA. Start calling her by her middle name, since names aren't that important and can be changed on the fly. Or just refer to her as Human Mia. Never change the dog's name. At least Human Mia can understand why she's being called something different.
Guilty_Belt3871 says:
NTA. Between your sweetheart dog and your SIL, she’s the actual worst.
Hippopotamus_can_fly says:
Met a dog that shares the same name as my son, was I offended and demand that they change their dogs name? No, I laughed and compared the two like “Does your insert name demand snacks at 2 AM too?” With the owner. NTA, your SIL needs to grow up.