'AITA for making New Year’s plans with my boyfriend without including a friend?'
"AITA for making New Year’s plans with my boyfriend without including a friend?"
I (26F) have been friends with Emma (25F) for about six years. We’re part of the same friend group, which also includes my boyfriend (27M), whom I’ve been dating for a little over a year.
This year, due to ongoing tension in the friend group, we’re not celebrating New Year’s together. Most of our friends already had plans, leaving just me, my boyfriend, and Emma without anything arranged.
Emma asked me a couple of times whether my boyfriend and I had plans. At the time, we didn’t, and I told her that. I also mentioned that most of our friends were busy, because Emma has previously said she’s uncomfortable spending time as a “third wheel.” Earlier this year, she canceled a trip she had planned with us, another couple, and a friend of hers because she said she’d feel uncomfortable.
About two weeks ago, my boyfriend suggested that we might do something just the two of us for New Year’s, like staying in a nearby city. We started casually looking at options, but nothing was booked or finalized. I wanted a bit of time to think about it before bringing it up.
The next day, Emma texted me again asking if we had plans. I told her that we had started looking into doing something on our own, but that nothing was confirmed yet, and that I was open to hearing if she had ideas. She became upset, said I should have told her sooner, refused to talk it out on the phone, and left me on read.
After that, she messaged a group chat with another friend, Ellie (24F), saying she wouldn’t be available to exchange Christmas gifts. I later found out she had explained the situation privately to her. I met with Ellie in person to exchange gifts, and she told me that, in her opinion, Emma was overreacting and not to think too much about it because of how she treated me the past summer.
For context, this summer Emma found out her boyfriend had cheated on her. I was one of the few people she confided in, and I tried to support her by sharing my own experience with infidelity. She repeatedly dismissed my attempts to help, saying my situation wasn’t comparable because my relationship was shorter and the cheating was obvious, at least according to her.
Since then, I haven’t reached out again, mostly due to the fact that she dismissed my offer to clear things up. From my perspective, we didn’t have concrete plans when she first asked, and I didn’t expect her to rely on just me and my boyfriend for New Year’s, but I’m not sure if I handled this poorly. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
rockology_adam says:
NTA. Emma, frankly, sounds like a lot, and it sounds like there's a fair amount of history here that's going unsaid. Make plans with your BF, let Emma make her own plans, be prepared for the friendship to be strained and potentially over.
If your whole friend group is separating due to drama within the group, now is probably an excellent time to consider finding new friends, or at least taking a moment to decide which relationships to tend to, and which ones to let go of.
OP responded:
Yeah, her relationship with me, Ellie, and my boyfriend has been straining over the past couple of years due to various things that have happened. I still considered her a good friend up until recently, but this situation was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and I’m no longer sure she’s someone I want in my life. I’m open to being civil, but I don’t think the closeness we used to have will be there anymore.
Fragrant-Praline-595 says:
She is being immaturely. Go ahead with you plans and have a good time with your boyfriend. It is a life skill to learn how to deal with disappointment.
FutureJakeSantiago says:
NAH honestly it sounds like Emma is going through it and the group as a whole is going through changes. Emma unfortunately has ended a relationship, and it seems like everyone else is paired off. She’s feeling lost in the shuffle and what can be dismissed as “she’s being a lot and self centered” is actually her trying to find her footing.