Man ends up in jail after letting his family be racist to his GF, tells her, 'get a clue.' UPDATED

AITA for making the wrong "Chinese" food for my BF's parents

real-chinese-food writes

I was born in China, but my parents and I moved to the West when I was little, so I was raised mostly as a 'westerner.' However, my parents still managed to teach me many Chinese traditions, including food, and I sometimes still cook what they cook.

So, I have been with my boyfriend for about three years, and he lives with me at my place. This Christmas, his family (Mom, dad, sister, and nephew) came to visit him from his birth country (Spain) for the first time in years. I was excited because I never had a chance to meet them in person.

They arrived a few days before Christmas; he went to pick them up at the airport while I was working, so when I came home, they were already there. The meeting didn't go as well as I would wish because the little nephew, as soon as he saw me, started doing the eye-stretching thing.

He was immediately reprimanded by his mom and grandparents, but in the following days, he made a lot of racist jokes in Spanish, like "What do you call someone who doesn't take a shower, in Chinese? Sin-Shan-PU (without shampoo)," and he was barely reprimanded for that.

Besides that, Christmas went great, and the next day we woke up very late. The nephew started saying that he wanted Chinese food for lunch, so my BF's parents asked me if I could make it. I said sure; I was glad to do it.

I cooked something my parents would do on special occasions like these and served the table in a very traditional way, with chopsticks and everything. Then I called everybody to the table and instantly saw their disappointed faces.

The nephew said, "What's this?" to which I replied, "Chinese food." He grunted and said, "No, it's not," and started to throw a fit. His mom calmed him down, then BF's parents told me, "This isn't what we were expecting."

I asked, "What did you expect?" and they replied, "You know, something like what they serve at restaurants." I tried to explain to them that this is something actual Chinese people eat, but they wouldn't listen. They dressed up and went outside to eat at a restaurant.

My BF stayed at home but then called me stupid. He said, "You knew exactly what they meant by Chinese food. I'm trying to make YOU look good in front of them, but you're not helping me by playing dumb." I asked him to explain himself better but just shouted, "When people say Chinese food, the last thing they expect is white rice; get a f*ing clue," and locked himself in our bedroom.

Since that incident, they started to speak to me as a toddler, over-explaining everything they asked me to do, and stopped correcting the nephew's racist behavior. I tried to tell my BF to tell them to stop, but he said, "This is your making; now they think you're brainless." This continued until they left yesterday.

My BF and I now barely talk, and I wonder if it's really my fault, and I should have known better.

OP provided an update:

For those who already know my story, my boyfriend allowed his family to be racist to me. After his family left, I tried to break up with him, but he wouldn't let me end the relationship. I tried talking to him, but he would say something along the lines of "I'm not breaking up with you."

I talked to my family about it; they were furious at him, and I had their support, especially my father. I'm so glad that they were by my side.

I went to my place with my father to confront my boyfriend and break up once and for all. He didn't take it well, shouted that I can't break up with him, and he won't end the relationship. That's where my dad intervened, and they started fighting, like... fist fighting.

My dad ended up being hurt, but he also landed some punches on my boyfriend. I was horrified, crying, screaming, and with no idea of what to do. My BF then grabbed me, got my purse, and took me out; my dad followed me. My keys and phone were in the purse, so I couldn't go back in. He locked himself, and we started hearing him breaking stuff.

Then dad called the police. They arrived like half an hour later, during that entire time, we did hear him breaking stuff. When the cops finally arrived, they tried to talk to him but wouldn't respond, so they broke the door, and after another fight, they arrested him.

I walked into my place with another cop and my dad, and everything was destroyed. Everything he could break was broken, from glasses to plates to mirrors to holes in the walls, every TV, my computer, my phone, coffee maker, etc. Dad pressed charges immediately.

I was terrified, and I'm still terrified. We had a trial, and he is in jail now, but I think he might be deported to Spain. I'm not sure.

I'm still in therapy and still living with my parents. Some of my stuff was repaired, but I'm still not ready to come back home. Sometimes I still wake up crying in the middle of the night. I don't know if I regret standing up for myself or if I will be able to trust people in the future.

I might die alone without a husband or children, and that makes me sad. I don't know when I will feel good for real, but progress has been made.

Oh, and my ex-BF's family is still trying to reach me to insult me and make me feel even worse for sending him to jail. I block them but always find yet another phone number to call me from or a temporary email address.

Here are the top comments from the post:

AWonderland42 says:

The whole “white rice is the last thing people expect!” comment is insane. Like what do they think Chinese food is? White rice is legit the backbone of many Asian diets? I’m very curious about the Spanish version of Chinese food now.

Training-Constant-13 says:

I really hope OP finds her inner happiness and self worth and realizes she's worth all the love in the world!! The right person will come along, but until then i hope she heals and learns to love herself again.

DWYL_LoveWhatYouDo says:

My mouth was watering at the thought of authentic Chinese cuisine cooked by someone whose family taught her their recipes. My husband and I were privileged to know a few Chinese graduate students when China allowed them to travel for higher education. (These were highly educated people who lived through the cultural revolution.)

They gathered for a meal at the start of the New Year's festival and we were invited. Did we go? ABSOLUTELY. Oh My!!! The Food!!! The sounds and scents of cooking, the food prep, the flames when the wok got a little too hot! It was the best! I can't tell you what they made but it had flavor! That's what I remember, just yummy, yummy, yummy.

OP cooked something special after that horrible family demanded a meal, then they doubled down to crush her soul as hard as they could. I am really, really glad that they didn't get to taste that delicious food – we KNOW it was good, right?

Because she cooked her family's celebration foods, the food that you don't make everyday because it's more work, more expensive, more time-consuming. Xavi and his racist, abusive family don't deserve any treats whatsoever.

Fraerie says:

I doubt anyone will see this comment - but for anyone who needs to hear this - you don't need permission to break up with someone.

A relationship is a two yes/one no situation - if either of you no longer want to be in that relationship, it's no longer a relationship. It may be a hostage situation - but you are no longer boyfriend/girlfriend, you are now abuser and victim.

People with the mindset of OOP's boyfriend are the same type of people who are trying to do away with no fault divorce in some states of the USA right now. They view women in particular as property, and your property can't choose to leave you but a person can. Individuals like OOPs boyfriend are the reason why no fault divorce is still needed.

What do you think?