'WIBTA if I canceled a trip with my partner because I'm afraid of what he might do?'
"WIBTA if I (F30) canceled a trip with my partner because I’m afraid of him (M40)?"
mandalbr0t writes:
My partner (M40) and I (F30) have a trip to Japan scheduled for Monday. We planned this a month ago and have already bought flight tickets. We’re currently in a long-distance relationship, so this will be the first time in six months that we’re seeing each other.
Over the past few months, we’ve had some disagreements that have left me feeling controlled by his demands. It’s made me feel really unsafe. I’m worried that if I don’t comply with being intimate during this trip, or if I say no, I’ll face repercussions like emotional outbursts, criticism of my actions, or long emails filled with controlling demands and nitpicking about my behavior.
These feelings were triggered by two very long emails I received last week. One was full of criticism about something I said, and the other contained explicit demands for how I should behave differently. These emails were in response to boundaries I had set.
I want to back out of the trip, but I know there’s a strong chance I’ll spend the next few months dealing with the fallout, which I really want to avoid. I just spent the last five months resolving another issue with him and finally feel a bit of relief.
I don’t want to go through more conflict. It’s been an emotionally exhausting year, and I’m burned out. Part of me feels compelled to just go along with everything, even to the point of intimacy I don’t want, just to keep the peace.
But I’m also afraid things might get violent. That’s never happened before, but I have a strong intuition that it’s not impossible. Of course, part of me wonders if I’m exaggerating the risk of getting hurt, and if my brain is catastrophizing the situation. Should I cancel? Would I be the a&#%ole?
People responded to OP's post.
Bodysurfer8 says:
NTAH. Cancel, break up and block him. Then you don’t have to deal with the repercussions. Why be in a relationship with someone who burns you out?
Full_Pace7666 says:
NTA. The last thing you want to do is be a in a foreign land with someone you don’t trust. Do NOT go! But unfortunately, there’s no way to avoid the repercussions at this point.
Ok_Pen_2887 says:
YWNBTA. You literally said you're AFRAID of him. That’s a HUGE red flag. Trust your instincts and prioritize your safety. It’s not worth risking your well-being for a trip or to keep the peace. If you're afraid, that’s reason enough to back out and rethink the relationship. You deserve to feel safe and respected.
Hungry-Evidence-3530 says:
Your safety and peace of mind matter way more than a trip. If you’re feeling afraid, that’s a huge red flag and not something to ignore, even if it hasn’t gotten physical before. Trust your gut, it’s trying to protect you.