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'My parents expect me to finance their lives even after they kicked me out of the house.'

'My parents expect me to finance their lives even after they kicked me out of the house.'


My parents expect me to finance their lives even after they kicked me out of the house.

Haunting_Tackle_6997 writes:

I (F27) live with my parents, holding a job and contributing by paying rent and buying groceries. My brother, married with two children (a two-year-old and a newborn), recently lost his job. He asked my parents if he and his family could move back in until he gets back on his feet.

My parents informed me that I would need to vacate the basement suite in the house and move into my mom's hobby room while my brother and his family stay with them. I disagreed, but they asserted it was their house and their rules.

Considering I don't own much – everything in the suite belongs to them, even my bed – I packed up my clothes and laptop. I went to work as usual. I work out of town for 14 days and then have 7 days off.

During my time at work, I booked an all-inclusive for my week off, which cost less than what I paid for rent and food at my parents' house. I informed my parents of my plans, and they were okay with it.

A few days ago, I started receiving texts asking for rent and grocery money. I explained that I had moved out and wouldn't be contributing if I wasn't living or eating there. They were upset, stating they were relying on the money to support my brother.

I reminded them that they had given away my living space without notice and insisted I owed them nothing if I wasn't there. I also asked how much they were charging my brother. I had been paying them $1,800 a month (Canadian) for rent and food, even though I was home a maximum of 14 days a month, usually less.

My brother called me, calling me out for not helping him. I pointed out that he hadn't sent money when he was employed, claiming he needed it for his family. He offered to move upstairs if I returned, but I had done the math.

I could stay at all-inclusive resorts, covering room, maid service, food, alcohol, and entertainment, for 2/3 of what I was paying my folks. Plus, I could avoid enduring Edmonton winters when not working.

I sent my parents $500 to help with groceries, then headed to the beach. Now, my parents, brother, his wife, and several relatives are calling me an a@%hole for abandoning them in a time of need. I believe if I'm not there, I shouldn't have to pay anything. AITA?

OP responded to some comments:

SushiGuacDNA says:

NTA. As you say, you were renting a space and they threw you out! In addition, it sounds like they were over-charging for the space, given that you found a space you like better for less money.

Now, there's nothing wrong with helping your parents, so I wouldn't necessarily say your old rent was a problem, but it's crazy that they would kick you out and expect the rent and grocery money to remain unchanged.

I can't tell if your parents are a^@holes or just oblivious. You make an excellent point about how your brother wasn't sending your parents money when he was employed. That makes it doubly clear that your payment was for rent and food, not just because.

Honestly, I think it's healthier for you to be on your own anyway. It's natural for children to become more independent as they mature.

iwntwfflefrys says:

Your parents made you pay $1,800 dollars for a ROOM in Edmonton???? And you were only there for two weeks?! Your family is taking advantage of you. You also gave them $500, don't feel bad for leaving and don't look back

OP responded:

It was a basement suite. Living room, bathroom, kitchen.

acmorgan says:

I have to ask, were you living there as a favor for them? But also NTA through and through. Your family is just trying to use you. If they wanted your support, they should have supported you.

Also, 10000 percent chance if you moved back and the brothers family moved upstairs, they'd passive aggressively snipe at you about it for years.

OP responded:

Yeah. More or less. I knew that they are on a fixed income now that my dad retired. And they used to take care of my dog until she passed away. And $1,800 for everything isn't that bad. I had no other expenses. I don't even own a car.

miriandrae says:

NTA - tell me you’re the scapegoat without telling me you’re the scapegoat. There was no communication, no family meeting, no decision together. They decided unilaterally to evict you from the space you were living in to support your brother without any conversation and expected you to just take it.

It would have been one thing if you were apart of the decision, but you weren’t. You should really take the savings you’re getting from not living there and invest it so you can buy your own house someday when you’re tired of being transient. In the meantime, keep living the good life.

Beautiful-Report58 says:

You’re a genius, not an a%@hole. They can figure it out for themselves. You’re not their bank. NTA.

Mysterious_Pea_5008 says:

NTA. You were asked to moved out of your rooms and you did; you simply chose independence rather than a hobby room, and gave them notice that they agreed with. Now, you have a place that is more affordable and accommodating of your needs, and you brother has room to bring his family.

You were contributing a lot to the household, financially, and now your parents, and more importantly, your brother is learning that he'll have to help finance his own back-at-home financial recovery.

What do you think? Was OP wrong to not pay her parents rent to help with her brother's situation?

Sources: Reddit
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