'AITA for not changing my baby's name even though it's making my mom leave my dad?'
"AITA for refusing to change my baby’s name for my dad?"
Good-Still-6474 writes
I (26F) just gave birth to my daughter Annabelle. I didn't announce it beforehand because, in the past, one of my family members stole a baby name, and it created a lot of drama. My mom wanted to know, but I was adamant about keeping it a secret.
My mom and dad were in the room when I gave birth, and when it was time for me to sign the birth certificate, my mom asked for the name, and I told her Annabelle. Her face went pale, and my dad didn’t look too happy, but he said he loved the name.
My mom left a few minutes later, claiming she didn’t feel well. She said she’d come over in a few days to help with the baby. Now I’m at home with the baby, and my mom hasn’t talked to me much. We used to talk every day, so I was confused by this sudden behavior.
My sister Emily still lives with Mom, so I called her over to talk. When she got to my house, she explained that she overheard Dad and Mom arguing because, about ten years ago, Dad had an affair with a coworker named Annabelle. Mom hasn’t been talking to him, and he’s been trying to get her to talk. I guess Dad, realizing that Emily had come over, decided to come over himself.
He asked if there was any way I could change Annabelle's name. I asked him why, to see if he’d tell me the truth. And he did. He admitted to the affair. He begged Mom not to leave him, and she stayed, but just hearing that name had always put her in a bad headspace.
I told him I can't, and that Annabelle was the name of my husband’s grandmother, who helped raise him. My dad begged and pleaded for me to change it, saying Mom was in the middle of packing her bags and heading to her sister’s house.
I told him I won’t change her name, and that it means so much to me and my husband. He began to raise his voice, and immediately, my sister yelled back and told him to get the hell out. She told him not to stress me out about a mess he created. He left immediately. I'm not changing my baby’s name, but I feel like this is tearing the family apart. What should I do?
Here are the top comments from readers.
Sleepypepepo says:
NTA. But your daughter is going to deal with most of this backlash so brace yourselves for it.
Armadilloofdoom says:
Call your mom. Tell her you're so sorry and had zero idea about any of this. Tell her if she wants she can call your daughter by first and middle name. That might give some separation. Or make a nickname.
Tell your mom everything you know about grandma Annabelle. She liked to knit. She had an infectious laugh. Her eyes were blue. She did ballet. She needs mental separation from her husband's fling.
As far as the affair? Dad needs to figure that out. That is between THEM and if your baby uncovered feelings then thats their problem not yours. They need therapy or a split. NTA.
thinkblue2024 says:
NTA but be prepared for your mom to probably not having much to do with your kid.
itchybittwitchy says:
I understand. You're NTA. But it will have consequences. Your mom might not be willing to bond - and there's no blame! Your dad hurt her badly. Look, the only asshole here is your dad. But some wounds take time to heal. Can't you agree on a nickname like Anna or Belle?
OP provided a small update:
Annabelle isn’t her real name. Her real name only has three letters, so a nickname based on her name wouldn’t be possible. And a lot of you suggested changing her first name to her middle name, but her middle name is my mom’s name, and I don’t want to change that.