'AITA for telling my roommate it's not my fault she chose to immigrate to my country?'
"AITA for pointing out my roommate chose to immigrate?"
Top-Musician-1335 writes:
My roommate (23F) and I (21F) have lived together for 6 months (along with a third roommate) and have become good friends. We attend a Canadian university. I was born here, while she is currently on a student visa from India.
Her boyfriend was recently offered a very cool opportunity to attend an academic conference in the States over the March break. It’s a big deal that he was asked to attend, and the school will pay for his travel and accommodations.
When he told her about this opportunity, he offered to split her plane ticket, and she could stay in the hotel with him (basically, he offered her 4 days in the States for the price of half a ticket, with the hotel and meals covered). But here’s the issue: she can’t legally enter the US. (Well, she can, but she would need a visitor’s visa, which she wouldn’t be able to obtain in time for the trip.)
Because she is on a student visa, she is not allowed to cross the border. She’s very upset that she is A) missing out on a great opportunity and B) having her plans with her boyfriend changed.
However, last night, things reached a bit of a boiling point. It’s been 2 weeks of her dragging her feet and complaining about her boyfriend’s trip, and while at first, we were both supportive, both me and my other roommate are starting to get a bit annoyed at the situation.
Specifically, she makes a lot of remarks about it not being fair that I am allowed to travel wherever I’d like—comments I assumed weren’t serious until she explained to me that she genuinely thinks it isn’t fair.
Once she started complaining about my last-minute US trip that is coming up (my boyfriend and I decided on a whim to take a road trip to the States), I started getting very annoyed. In the heat of the moment, I snapped and pointed out to her that she chose to come to Canada on a student visa, knowing the conditions of her being here.
She didn’t take too well to that and hasn’t really spoken to me all day. I do feel bad that I snapped at her, but on the other hand, if she had chosen a different country or stayed in her home, she would be free to travel as she pleases.
I don’t know a whole lot about the immigration system or how unfair it might be, but she made the decision to come here and, in doing so, accepted the restrictions on her right to enter the States.
For context, she’s told me quite a bit about her choice to study in Canada. She says she got bored after her bachelor’s and applied to the first Canadian university she found online. She isn’t leaving an unsafe household or area.
Here are the top rated comments from readers with OP's responses.
steinerific says:
Eh, NTA, but you were a little harsh. The US visa/immigration system is cruel and capricious (and I’m an American). The Canadian one is not great for Indian nationals. So she’s going disappointed to miss a fun opportunity and is venting to you as a friend. It’s not your fault obviously, but you could be a little more sympathetic.
OP responded:
I will say that I am genuinely sorry that she is missing out on an opportunity and of course I let her vent and talk about how much it upset her, i just think i reached my limit. I do wish i had chosen to be kinder about it though.
UltraZulwarn says:
Oh absolutely, it is absolutely unfair but what can we do about it?? She can moan and complain all she want, but it is laws and there is nothing could be done about it, at least not in time for the trip. The issue, really, was not that she "chose" to immigrate. It's the her passport and visa status. Unlucky really.
OP responded:
I didn't mean that the difference in passports wasn't unfair (it def is) I mean she was blaming me personally for the fact that she wasn't able to travel, when I wasn't traveling during a time she couldn't just to show her I could.