'AITA for putting on a 'Do Not Disturb' sign at my door so my mother wouldn't bother me?'
"AITA for putting on a 'Do Not Disturb' sign at my door?"
I (25F) have worked from home for five years and have been supporting my family with my dream job. I pay all the bills consistently and even buy groceries once in a while. I live with my mom (59F), who has been a housewife all her life, and my brother (44M) and sister in law, who both do not have jobs but do labor work around the house.
My job pays well while I am at home. I genuinely enjoy and thrive in a peaceful setting where I am not interrupted for eight hours a day, so I stay in my room, which also serves as my office.
My mother knows that I dislike being interrupted, but sometimes she barges into my room to talk, gossip, or do chores. It is distracting and makes it easy for me to lose focus. I think I might have ADHD, but I have not been diagnosed.
I recently decided to make my own "Do Not Disturb" sign after my niece had a birthday party at the house. It was noisy, so after interacting and buying the kids snacks, I locked myself in my room, put on headphones, and became very productive with no disturbances. The sign I made says, "Do not disturb, please contact me in Messenger" so I can still be reached when needed during work hours.
The problem: Earlier today our electric wiring was being fixed, which meant I could not work for a few hours with no lights on, so I took a nap. When I woke up, I saw a message from my mom asking me to reimburse her for the wiring costs. When I came out of my room, I asked her if she needed the money right away. She replied, "If you please" in a very rude tone, which took me aback.
When I returned to my room to resume working now that the lights were back, I could hear her ranting about why I needed to lock the door and saying that I do not need privacy. I did not listen further because I was honestly hurt.
I have done nothing but be a good daughter to my family. I pay the bills every month without any help from the other family members. They still went ahead and gossiped about me simply because I locked the door while working and wanted privacy. AITA? The house is tense right now, and I am still in my room trying to figure out what to do. Thank you for listening, and please be gentle if I am in the wrong.
Here's what other people had to say to OP:
Trick_Few says:
NTA There are three adults taking advantage of your generosity yet can’t be bothered to respect your time. All three of them should have jobs to pay their own way in life. It certainly isn’t your responsibility to make their lives easy while you work hard.
OP responded:
The sad thing is that I am the most competent person in the family. I have worked and studied, I never get into trouble, and I actually love my job. My mother is very traditional and conservative. She has never worked outside the home because she is a housewife.
My brother does not have a job but does labor and repairs around the house, and my sister in law takes care of my niece. Since I am the only one with a job, the financial responsibility falls on me even though I am the youngest in the family.
abstract_lemons says:
NTA. Seems like it’s time to move to your own place. You do deserve privacy. But seriously, you have a house full of people. And you have a mother who’s always barged in whenever she feels like it. What did you expect to happen when you suddenly started locking your door and put up a “do not disturb” sign?
I’m not attacking you in any way. I agree with you. I also think that you need to understand that your current environment is what it’s always been. And expecting it to change in order to accommodate your needs is just never going to happen, whether or not you’re paying the bills
OP responded:
I understand what you mean. It just upsets me that basic privacy is not part of her vocabulary. When I was younger, I would lock the door while getting dressed, and she would bang on it if I did.
If I tried to explain why I locked it, her response was, "Why do you need to lock the door? We are both girls." But I still wanted to get dressed without another person in my room. I think she does have boundary issues, especially now that I am an adult.