'AITA for raising my voice at my GF after she picked a lock because I was showering too long?' MAJOR UPDATES 2X

"AITA for screaming at my GF after she picked the bathroom lock while I was in the shower?"

Fogged_Mirror_1192 says:

I (24M) just had a bad fight with my gf, Ana (24F). We met early in college, started dating 2 years ago, and then moved in together 3 months ago. I always thought we were great together. She's smart and funny, we've had the best talks, and have similar views on science and politics.

But we moved in together, and she got upset because I take long showers. I don’t like to talk about it, but I’m a hairy guy. Think Luther from Umbrella Academy. I quit sports when I was 13 because I couldn’t deal with what the other guys would say about how much body hair I already had by then.

So I shave my whole body, and yes, it takes a while. Ana and I have never talked about my shaving, but she has to know I shave from feeling the stubble. So Ana started questioning why I spend so long in the shower. I should have just told her, but I was too embarrassed to say it takes a while to shave, so I said I just like thinking in the shower.

Then yesterday, while I was in the shower, she used a screwdriver to pop the bathroom lock and caught me shaving. She put her hands on her hips and told me I was wasting water, and I yelled at her to get out. She didn’t leave and lectured me more on wasting water. Then I shouted again a LOT louder for her to get the fuck out. It freaked her out, and she slammed the door behind her.

I was mad and took a few minutes to cool down and think about what I was going to say to her, but when I got out, she had locked herself in the bedroom. I could tell she had her back against the door and was crying. She said I scared her and that I showed her that I wasn’t the kind of man she thought I was.

I told her she had scared me, and that it didn't even make sense why she did it because we don't even pay for the water in our apartment. She got more upset and said I didn’t even understand the problem because I showed her that I could be violent and abusive, and I just needed to leave.

I tried to keep calm and asked her to come out so we could actually talk about what happened, but she just kept saying I wasn’t who she thought I was and I had to leave. We’ve argued about ideas but never had a fight before, and I swear I’ve never yelled or cursed at her before that.

I hate fighting with anyone and am normally the calmer person when our friends have things going on. I feel like my whole world just suddenly fell out from under me.

I don’t think this was my fault, but I also think none of this would have happened if I wasn’t so self-conscious about the body hair issue, or maybe if I had just been honest from the beginning and told her why I take long showers. I’m sure this relationship is over now and things are going to be messed up for a while, but I just want to know, am I the a^@%ole for causing this whole mess?

OP then provided an update 8 days later.

I am a complete idiot. I’m writing today hoping to save someone else from making the same stupid mistakes I made. I’m trying to think of where to start because after this last weekend, I don’t even feel like the things that happened in my first post matter anymore.

Basically, my girlfriend Ana popped the lock on the bathroom while I was shaving in the shower to yell at me for wasting water. I shouted at her to get out, which scared her so much that she told me to leave our apartment because she was afraid I could hurt her.

People here warned me to be careful with her after that, but I thought I knew Ana better than anyone on, and I thought for sure we would be mature and talk about everything once we were both calm. I sent her a text and said we could talk whenever she was ready about what happened or, if she just wanted me gone, then we could talk about that too and come up with a plan to separate. I waited, but she never texted back.

Then, at work on Friday, I got called to the front desk. There was a police officer waiting for me there, and at first, I thought something terrible might have happened. Instead, I got served a restraining order. The whole time I was being served, I was confused, and I don’t know what I was thinking.

I know I didn’t pay a lot of attention to what the cop was telling me. After he left, I did the stupidest thing anyone could do after getting an OP, and I texted Ana. I asked what was wrong and if this was a mistake because, from my end, this was just a huge misunderstanding, and if we could just talk, I knew we could clear this all up.

Two hours later, two police officers came all the way up to my desk, and I was arrested—handcuffs and everything—in front of everyone I work with. I was dragged out of the building and taken to jail.

I have NEVER been in trouble in my life, and I never once thought I’d end up in jail just like that. I got processed like a full-on criminal. I didn’t know what else to do, and I called my parents when I could to let them know what happened.

My hometown is like six hours away, but they found a lawyer and then drove over as fast as they could overnight to bail me out. Right now, we’re all staying in a small hotel while we figure out things with the lawyer, and I can’t even process how things got here. I’m supposed to have a meeting with my boss and HR on Thursday, and I have no idea if I’m going to still have a job.

All I can do right now is give others a warning to take things more seriously than I did. Especially getting something like an OP. Even if you think there’s no way it could be real or valid, don’t be an idiot and question it like I did. Go straight to a lawyer!

OP added more context a few days later:

I'm still so confused as to how things are where they are, and there's a lot I don't know, but I had a meeting with my lawyer after he got the report on how I got a restraining order. After everything that happened originally two weeks ago, the police were called.

They spoke with Ana and some neighbors at my apartment complex, and two people told the police in the report that they heard me yell "f%^k you" and then they heard loud bangs. I know the fight we had didn't happen the way those people said it did, but my lawyer says it's going to be hard to defend against multiple people who said that happened.

There's also something about photos of bruises, but I have no idea when or how that happened. My lawyer thinks the biggest problem is the neighbor's report, and I think they just didn't hear everything that happened through the walls the way it actually did, so we have to try and find someone who will say they heard what I actually shouted. That should help a lot.

On the bright side, I had the meeting with my job, and my manager really defended me. We all agreed that it was a lot of drama that never should have happened at the office, but as long as I don't end up with a felony on my record, I will get to keep my job.

So the big issue now is that Ana has a lawyer, my lawyer is talking to her lawyer, all communication has to go through them, and I'm hoping we can find a way soon to get all of this under control.

Here are the top comments:

Present-Reflection84 says:

I thought orders of protection couldn’t evict someone from their home. If it’s that easy, everyone would get OPs to get rid of squatters.

JipC1963 says:

OP, you should contact your landlord and get off your lease. Once you show the OP they should let you off. Then have your parents contact the police for an escort to get your property. You can ask your lawyer for help with this as well.

I was pretty sure she was psycho when she unlocked the bathroom door and had the bloody nerve to berate you for "wasting water!" You WEREN'T wasting water, you were GROOMING yourself! That she refused to leave when you told her to WASTED MORE WATER, makes it sound MORE like a control/invasion of privacy thing to her.

It's even possible that she thinks you'll be "on the hook" for the rents so she gets practically free housing. As a woman and wife, I would NEVER think to invade a man's, certainly not my SO's, privacy in the bathroom, whether he was showering or going to the bathroom. Greatest of luck!

2hops_this_time says:

I wonder what she told them you did to her to get the order of protection? Did you get a copy of her statement with the paperwork they served you?

What do you think?