'AITA because I really don't care that my dad does nothing for my half siblings?'
"AITA because I really don't care that my dad took his anger at my mom out on my half siblings?"
Rovvixnyn writes:
My parents only have me (18M) together because my mom cheated on my dad when I was younger (1–3), and they broke up as soon as my dad found out about it. He found out because my mom got pregnant with the baby of the man she’s now married to. My parents weren’t married, so the breakup was clean. The custody situation wasn’t. My mom wanted primary custody. My dad wanted shared or primary.
Shared custody was granted, and I split time between both houses every 7 days. My mom married the man she cheated with, and they have more kids together. My dad hates my mom and her husband. I don’t blame him. He never wanted anything to do with my half siblings either, and I never blamed him for that.
My mom, her husband, and some of my aunts and uncles had issues with my dad wanting nothing to do with my half siblings and the fact that he wouldn’t do anything to help them or make sure they had a good life. They see it as him taking his issues with my mom out on them.
Some stuff that happened that was talked about around me: when I was 8 and my half brother was 5, nobody showed up to pick him up from school. I was at the homework club, and my dad picked me up afterward. One of the teachers knew my half brother and I were half siblings, so she asked my dad about my mom and her husband.
My dad tried calling her since they couldn’t get an answer, but nobody answered that time either. My dad took me home and left my half brother. That was seen as a huge deal. It turned out my mom and her husband went to a funeral and had their phones off, and a friend of my mom’s was supposed to pick up my half brother but forgot.
Another time I ended up in the hospital, and both my parents were there, along with some of my half siblings. My dad bought me snacks and drinks while we waited, and he took me for food after.
My mom didn’t have money, and she kept glaring at my dad for not getting my half siblings something when they complained that they were hungry and thirsty too. That was another thing for my mom and my aunts and uncles to complain about.
My dad used to throw the best birthday parties for me, and my half siblings were never invited. He gave me the option, but I never wanted to invite them, and my dad didn’t either, so he wasn’t going to push.
My mom and her husband fell on hard times. My dad refused to send stuff to my half siblings. I was going to summer camp and all my extracurriculars as usual. My half siblings didn’t get to do any of that.
My dad knew, and my mom asked him for extra help, but he said no. That’s when my dad was supposed to have said he didn’t care if my half siblings had nothing because they weren’t his kids. My mom, her husband, and my aunts and uncles were horrified, and this still bothers them.
A few years ago my mom and her husband were in an accident. My mom’s friend was with us but had to go, so I called my dad, and he picked me up, but my half siblings were left there.
When my aunts and uncles found out, they were calling and texting me and my dad like crazy, telling my dad to “do the right thing” and take all of us to the hospital and then take me home with him if he had to. I’m not sure what ended up happening, but my mom was furious when she learned what happened, and her husband wasn’t happy either.
There were other things too. All of it was stuff I didn’t care about, and I said that to my mom the last time we talked a few months ago. I told my aunts and uncles that too. They said my dad took his anger at my mom out on my half siblings and that it was wrong. I said again that I didn’t care and that they weren’t going to turn me against my dad.
They brought up what if something worse had happened, and I said it wasn’t my dad’s problem. He only has me, and he always took care of me. You’d think I told them something awful with how they reacted. It’s why I walked out, even though I wasn’t 18 yet, and just moved in with my dad.
I haven’t talked to any of them since, but they text and DM me saying that I should care and that I need to fix myself and stop siding with someone who would happily let my half siblings suffer.
The thing about all of this is I don’t see my dad’s actions or inactions as taking things out on my half siblings. They just weren’t his kids or kids he had any duty to, and he didn’t do more for them than he would for any other random kid. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Hot-Care7556 says:
NTA, and neither is your father. He has taken care of you, and that is all that matters in this circumstance.
OP responded:
It's all that matters and I think it's all he ever had to do. Taking care of them should never have been the expectation it was. But they all act like it was one poly family or something instead of a split family caused by mom's cheating.
murdocjones says:
He’s not a parent to your siblings. Heck, the first example doesn’t even make sense to get mad about because the school can’t release your siblings to him anyways. NTA.
OP responded:
I said the same thing but they told me an exception would be made because he's my dad and I can vouch for him. Still makes no sense because he's not their dad or even their relative.
What do you think?