Someecards Logo
'AITA for auditing my parents after they asked me for money? They don't need my money!'

'AITA for auditing my parents after they asked me for money? They don't need my money!'


"AITA for telling my parents we aren't giving them money and they need to humble themselves?"

throwaway9200i writes:

I (38F) and my husband (41M) have been stressing over my parents. My parents are in financial trouble as they took out their pensions at 55 and have only about 100-130k each left. Their house has some equity, but not as much as you would think, as they have withdrawn from their equity line of credit several times.

My dad has a 100k truck and a vintage Porsche, and my mom has a 7-seater when they are the only ones now. My dad is very prideful and refuses to take anyone’s advice, so it was a shock when they came to me and asked for money.

He has had a lot of health issues and told me he is going to be taking social security now (he is 68) and quitting his job, which means they cannot afford their mortgage or car payments.

They totally blindsided me; I had no idea how bad it was until now. Thinking back, I guess I should have known, as they buy so much unnecessary crap, but my parents always acted like they were rich.

I told them point blank I wasn’t funding them until I could see all their accounts and assets, and this caused a huge fight, but they eventually relented. I went through what they have, and they really don’t need my help.

They just need to downsize dramatically. My husband is a CPA, so he knows this stuff, and we went through and told them what they needed to do. They need to sell all the vehicles and get a reliable sedan. They need to sell their 3400 sq. ft. home and buy a single home with a basement suite or an apartment.

I think the apartment is better, as my dad struggles to mow the lawn and hires someone now anyway. But my mom insists she needs land for a garden. After that, their social security payments would be enough, and they would still have a small nest egg.

This was met with them complaining that they would be living like prisoners. My parents were angry that if they got a small single-family home, they would need to rent out the basement. My dad insists the basement, which he has as a man cave, is necessary for life, and my mom refuses to downsize as she has a whole room full of clothes at their current home that can’t fit in a smaller house.

I got mad and told them they need to humble themselves since they are the ones asking for money. This resulted in them yelling how ungrateful I am over the phone until I hung up.

I told them they have to do this because I’m not helping. They still have more assets than my husband and I, and we have a son to save college funds for. My parents have been trying to guilt me by saying they gave me great Christmas presents and a college fund, so I owe them.

I feel like that was a tiny proportion of their spending and it didn’t put them in this position. But am I obligated to help support them when they can support themselves if they downsize?

Here are the top comments:

NotshockedFruitWeird says:

Why wouldn't they just rent out a room or two in their current house? Downsizing doesn't work when the house you want to buy is similarly priced to the house you want to sell, especially if they want to stay in the same area.

OP says:

The difference is they would no longer have a mortgage payment if they downside. They have enough equity to buy a small house or an apartment in nearly all cash. Their current mortgage payment now is more than half their ss payments combined.

With property tax and utilities it’s unaffordable even with a room rented. And they would never agree to share a house, they wouldn’t even agree to rent out a basement with a separate entrance

Zorkeldschorken says:

NTA (Not the A%@$ole). Poor planning on their part is not an emergency on your part. They can afford their lifestyle if they downsize, but they are choosing not to downsize. Instead, they want you to subsidize their lives. Don't. If they're strapped for cash, they can sell stuff.

enkilekee says:

You are such a good daughter. If you had done that sort of audit and planning for me, I'd be singing your praises to everyone. You are awesome.

What do you think?

Sources: Reddit
© Copyright 2024 Someecards, Inc

Featured Content