'AITA for refusing to let my fiancé give his sister $10k for her wedding?'
"AITA for refusing to let my fiancé give his sister $10k for her wedding?"
YingDomo04 writes:
I’m (29F) getting married this fall to my fiancé Mark (30M). We’ve been together for 5 years, and we’ve spent the last two saving like crazy to pay for our wedding ourselves. It’s not over the top or anything, but it’s important to us, and we’ve worked really hard to make it happen without going into debt.
Mark’s younger sister Jenna (26F) just got engaged about a month ago. She’s already planning her wedding for early next year and somehow already booked a venue. The problem is that she has absolutely no money saved. None.
She lives like she’s in a Hallmark movie—constant brunches, weekend trips, influencer content creation full time (which is… hit or miss at best), and just generally acts like everything will magically work out.
Now she’s asking our families to “pitch in” so she doesn’t have to cancel anything. And by pitch in, I mean she asked Mark to “loan” her $10,000. She literally said, “You guys are already paying for your own wedding, what’s the difference?”
Here’s where I might be the a^#$ole: I told Mark no. Like, hard no. We saved for our wedding. We made sacrifices. We held off on things we wanted to make sure we stayed within budget. I’m not about to let him throw $10K at someone who just assumes someone else will clean up after her.
And I love Mark, but he’s kind of a pushover when it comes to his family. Especially Jenna. She’s always been dramatic and impulsive, and he’s always tried to be the one to “rescue” her. When I said no, she turned on me immediately.
She said I was “trying to come between them” and “making him choose” and “acting like she’s not family.” She even texted me some passive-aggressive crap about how some people are just “too materialistic to understand love.” Ok.
She’s been blowing up the family group chat, trying to guilt him into it. Their parents are “neutral,” but I know they’re hoping we cave. His mom even called him and said, “It’s just money, you’ll make more.”
Now Mark keeps bringing it up again, like maybe we could give her a smaller amount. $2K, maybe $3K, “as a gesture.” I said no. I don’t care if it’s $500. This is a pattern, and I’m not playing along.
And now I’m the bad guy. I’m the one “blocking” the family from coming together. But I’m also the one who’s supposed to marry this man, share finances, and build a future. And I really don’t want to start that off by bailing out someone who hasn’t even tried to help herself.
Still, I keep wondering if I’m being too cold. I get that it’s her wedding and yeah, weddings are emotional. But so is ours. And we’re not asking anyone for a dime. So… AITAH for saying absolutely not to funding his sister’s wedding?
Here are the top rated comments.
SadFlatworm1436 says:
Mom says it’s just money? Let mom hand over 10k !! NTA setting those boundaries early is really important for your future marriage.
Barbola369 says:
Clear NTA! This would be a deal breaker for me - I’m all for helping family in emergencies. If Jenna needed medical treatment or was stranded somewhere or something, maybe I’d be more inclined to help - but booking a wedding when you don’t have the funds to do so doesn’t count, and asking you to compromise your own savings and sacrifices because she can’t work harder or save up is seriously entitled.
sbg-sbg says:
NTA but you have a future husband problem. You might want to try to get him to do some individual and/or couple counseling cause even if you manage to hold the line here, sista is going to keep popping up in the same way. Next time she will be preggo and needs help buying a house/rent/whatever.
Ok_Distribution_2603 says:
You should not have to work this hard to convince your future husband where his obligations really lie. NTA but this is quite a concerning sign for your shared future.