I (F22) just graduated recently and I am in the middle of job interviews. My dad passed away in 2022, so now it’s just my mom, my oldest brother and his twin sister (both 31), my middle sister (30), and me, the youngest.
My family planned a trip, and before I asked my girlfriend (F24) if she wanted to come, I made sure to double-check with my family if it was okay. They said yes, that she was welcome to join, so I told my girlfriend, and she was genuinely happy to be included.
A few weeks later, they suddenly told me there wasn’t a “sleeping spot left” and that my girlfriend couldn’t come anymore. When I asked for the real reason, it came out that they just wanted it to be “only family,” which honestly would’ve been fine if they had said that from the start. The problem is the disrespect and dishonesty.
I told them I wouldn’t be going anymore because it felt wrong. I checked beforehand out of respect, and instead of owning up to their change of mind, they used a weak excuse that made me and my girlfriend look like an afterthought.
Then things got turned around on me. They started blaming me, saying this all happened because I spend all my time with my girlfriend and never prioritize family, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
I have never once said no to family because of her. I still live at home and currently work for my family’s company (8:30–5:30) while waiting for my interviews. My twin siblings also work there, but they clock in at eleven and leave early.
On top of that, I’m always the one driving my mom to appointments, grocery runs, and random outings. My brother still lives at home but rarely helps. My middle sister moved out after getting married, and my mom avoids asking my older sister because she’s usually in a bad mood and hard to deal with. So by default, everything falls on me because I’m the “easiest” one.
It’s been this way for years. I’ve bent over backwards for everyone, and the one time I set my boundaries, I get called childish. My mom said it was just an “honest mistake,” but that doesn’t undo how dismissive it felt. It’s not just about this trip. It’s about always being expected to absorb everyone’s moods and still say yes.
To add to this, my brother and his wife are expecting a baby in December, which I’m genuinely happy about, but it feels like everyone is using that as an excuse for why I should always be the one available because I am “not married” and “have fewer responsibilities.” That doesn’t mean my time or relationship matter less.
My family says I’m being dramatic and choosing my girlfriend over them, when in reality I just didn’t want to go on a trip where someone I love was disrespected and I was guilt-tripped for expecting basic respect. So, AITA for refusing to go on the trip after they uninvited my girlfriend, even though I have always been the one showing up for my family?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
PerturbedHamster says:
NTA, and time for you to no longer be the "easiest one." Your mom is a grown-ass adult, she can figure out how to handle her own life.
maybemaybenot2023 says:
NTA. Set your boundaries now, and keep them, because it is exactly what you thought- you are a tool for everyone's convenience, not a person with needs and wants that count. If you don't begin to start holding the boundaries now it will only get worse. I hope you can get a job soon and move out.
PerturbedHamster says
NTA, and time for you to no longer be the "easiest one." Your mom is a grown-ass adult, she can figure out how to handle her own life.
maybemaybenot2023 says:
NTA. Set your boundaries now, and keep them, because it is exactly what you thought- you are a tool for everyone's convenience, not a person with needs and wants that count. If you don't begin to start holding the boundaries now it will only get worse. I hope you can get a job soon and move out.