'AITA for choosing to go to my SIL's wedding instead of my brother's wedding?

"AITA for refusing to go to my brothers wedding to attend the wedding of my sister-in-law instead?"

Vera_White writes:

Hey! I (25F) moved to France from my home country of Sweden seven months ago after my husband (27M) and I got married. I've never really gotten along with my parents. My dad had a temper growing up and would often shout at me and demean me, and my mum was very emotionally manipulative—constantly finding reasons to argue with me and point out things I've done wrong, often being critical of my appearance.

Meanwhile, my brother (24M) was treated like the golden child who couldn't do anything wrong. On the other hand, my husband's family have always been so kind and welcoming to me, and to be honest, they feel more like my family than my own.

Since the move, things have only gotten worse. My mum insists on calling every two days, and we're often on the phone for about an hour at a time. She's obviously upset that I chose to leave home, and I do feel guilty for not being able to help around the house like I used to.

She's always insisting we travel to Sweden for any event, and since we moved to France seven months ago, I've already traveled to Sweden five times, which is really stressful and expensive. When I do go home, she's really critical of me and my husband, and even his family.

So, onto what has happened recently: my sister-in-law announced her engagement and asked me to be a bridesmaid!! I was so, so excited. My husband was also asked to be a groomsman. She told us the dates for the wedding—next summer—and we had no plans for then, so it was perfect.

When my mum called me (video call), I told her because I was excited, but she just went silent and clearly looked upset, so I started speaking with my dad. Fast forward to recently—I traveled back to Sweden to see my family for Easter.

During dinner, my brother announced his own engagement! I was and am so excited for him. Later that day we were talking about dates, and he and his fiancée had nothing in mind yet. I said my husband and I would be available whenever, the only date that doesn't work is the weekend of my sister-in-law's wedding. My mum butted in then and said that it depends on venues and things, but that they would try.

So, I got a text in our family group chat yesterday from my brother announcing the dates to us. Apparently, they all went to a venue and picked out the date together, and they told me the dates are the same as my sister-in-law's wedding. Like, same day and everything.

I was devastated. I wasn't thinking straight, and I told them I wouldn't be coming—that I had already said the date doesn't work. My mum then sent a horrible message, saying that it doesn't matter, that I'm being selfish, and that my brother's wedding is more important to them, and that I had to choose what is more important to me.

I told her that if I have to choose, then I choose to go to my sister-in-law's, and she hasn't responded. Now I'm really worried I've made the wrong decision. So, I really want to know, AITA?

Here are some of the responses to OP's post.

owls_and_cardinals says:

NTA. This was engineered to make you choose. It's a win-win for them - if you agree to go to your bro's wedding, you're demonstrating loyalty to them and a willingness to shirk responsibilities to your husband's family; if you don't agree they get to act insulted and victimized, and rail against you for being so unkind. Don't fall for it.

DinaFelice says:

NTA. I'm sorry your family is doing this to you. The fact that they would intentionally choose the one date they knew you had the wedding of another family member is targeted AH-ish behavior (and unlike many stories I've seen posted here, where date conflicts appear to be genuinely accidental, your mother and brother would have a difficult time convincing anyone that this was innocent).

Maximum_Law801 says:

The scheduling conflict is made up by them. Have a talk with your brother and ask why they chose the one weekend you couldn’t participate. Hear what he has to say, and say you’re very sorry he chose to exclude you from his wedding. Stop talking to your mom.

lihzee says:

NTA. You already committed to the other wedding. They knew that was the only date you'd be unable to make work - they did this on purpose to test you, sounds like.

What do you think?