'AITA for refusing to let my parents have my daughter unless they spend time with her?'
"AITA for refusing to let my parents have my daughter unless they spend proper one‑on‑one time with her?"
yorkshirebeardedman writes:
I grew up in the north of England always feeling like an afterthought in my family. My younger sister had serious health issues, and my parents’ attention was always on her. I understood why, but it left me feeling invisible. That dynamic never really changed. She was favored, I was forgotten, and my own health issues went untreated.
Fast forward to now: I’m married with a daughter. We even moved to the same city as my parents, partly on the understanding that my mom (who doesn’t work) would help with childcare when we had kids.
But when my wife was ready to return to work, my parents suddenly said they could only help one day a week because they were already looking after my sister’s kids three days out of ten, including overnights. My wife ended up leaving her job, which hurt us financially, but we managed.
In the three years since, even though they live around the corner, my parents have had my daughter overnight fewer than ten times. They only ever ask at the last minute, and usually only when they already have my sister’s kids. My daughter has even started thinking her cousins live with my parents because she only sees them when her cousins are there.
Recently, my parents asked again to have her overnight with the cousins. We said no. I told them they need to build a proper relationship with her, consistent one-on-one time, no comparisons to her cousins, and no treating her like an afterthought.
Until then, they can’t just include her when it’s convenient. They refused, saying they don’t want a relationship with “rules” and that they’ve already helped me in the past with money, so now it’s my sister’s turn.
From my perspective, this isn’t about free childcare. We don’t need breaks from our daughter. It’s about her not growing up feeling second best like I did. But now my parents are angry, and I feel like I’ve lost what little relationship I had with them. For me, this is a hard line with no compromise.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
AdministrativeSoup57 says:
NTA and sounds like blatant favoritism to me.
Maleficent_Virus_556 says:
NTA I’m so sorry you had to endure feeling unwanted and invisible. Now prioritize moving so that your kids don’t feel what you did.
MyBeesAreAes says:
NTA. I had grandparents like this, didn't feel a thing when they died.
Own-Apricot-1540
NTA- I can so relate. I don't know how old your daughter is, but it sounds like your parents want her over just to entertain the cousins. They loudly say your daughter means zero to them. No way would my kid be going over there.