'AITA for not making my wife dinner in retaliation for not making me breakfast?'
"AITA for refusing to make my wife dinner since she will not make me breakfast?"
My wife and I have two kids who are both in daycare. My wife takes the morning shift, which includes getting the kids up, preparing breakfast, and taking them to daycare.
I handle the night shift, which involves picking up the kids from daycare, making dinner, and starting to get them ready for bed. Usually, she gets home around 6:30-7:00, and the whole family has about 30 minutes together before the kids' bedtime. We usually spend this time reading to them. She has to travel an hour+ (depending on traffic) to work each way.
The kids are dropped off at daycare at 8 in the morning, and I pick them up around 4. I work from home, starting around 7 and ending around 3-3:30. The issue is around breakfast. We agreed that I would make dinner each night, and she would handle breakfast. She already makes food for the kids, so it's literally just making an extra portion of what she is already making.
For the past month, she will either not make it at all for me or not tell me when it is done (I have asked her to just give a general time, but she keeps switching up the schedule). One day, they are eating at 7 in the morning and then getting dressed; other days, she is giving them toast before getting into the car.
I have talked to her multiple times and explained that it is not considerate. We got into an argument, and she told me I am home, so I should just make my own food. I explained that I may be home, but I am doing my job.
Yesterday, she didn't make anything, and I had enough. When she came home, I didn't make her anything for dinner. When she asked why, I told her she is home and can make her own food. This started a huge argument, and she called me a jerk.
OP provided a little more context:
I have the kids more than her, she has them for an hour in the morning and I have them for 2-3 every night. Also everyone saying. Don't know the stress of the morning shift. I have literally done it for 2 years. She is the one that wanted the morning shift because of her schedule. For everyone saying have you asked what is wrong, yes she doesn't give an answer.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
The bath is the hardest part. If she’s helping with that what are you helping with in the morning?
Striking-Jaguar3348 OP responded:
SHE ISNT HELPING WITH THAT. I do all the night stufff, just me. She comes home to the kids all ready for bed with there clothes for the next morning ironed and then we sit and read to them Not to mention I am the one that cleans the kitchen. I have to do it every single day before I make dinner. She leaves it for me .
Hmmm...I would need a bit more information about why this is happening. My first question would be did you ask her why this is happening? I can't speak to your job or her job, but an hour long commute is absolute murder.
Can you not just quickly whip up an egg sandwich? And as someone who knows precisely how it feels to be left out on the food front, do you really want to treat your wife that way deliberately?
I have, she give me nothing. Just shrugs . I am so sick of it. Really I am. I don’t see why I have to make her food when she clearly doesn’t give a shit about my food. I have them more than her and she wanted the morning shift. When I had it I always made her food.
Hopeful-Material4123 says:
I think a different arraignment needs to be made. Because if she has to get all the kids ready for daycare, cook them food, make it on time to the daycare AND get to work on time...I am sorry but make your own breakfast, dude.
She has a large commute, and I am sure a busy day at work. Everyone is busy, I know. But that is part of life with kids. She would have more time perhaps to get you breakfast if you helped wrangle the kids. I do not think it is unreasonable for you to help more with breakfast if you do not leave the house.
Your comment to her was childish. Your wife is doing a lot just by the sound of this post. Maybe ask her how you can help instead of becoming an extra child.
Infiniteland98765 says:
My God what a sh%t show. First of all, I'm a father of 2 who also WFH for a while and now has a wife who WFH while I'm full-time in office. A tit for tat relationship is never going to work, either you do it as a team or you don't do it at all.
Pretending you can't make your own breakfast because ''you are doing your job'' is obviously stupid. You wfh, I'm sure you can find 5 minutes in your oh so busy morning schedule to make your own breakfast. You're conveniently ignoring her commute and the time pressure she is under in the morning while you're not in the evening.
You WFH, you can do a little more. Just like my wife who WFH does a little more now and just how I did a little more when I WFH, because my life was a lot less stressful without the commute and constant time pressure. I mean this with the utmost respect, but you sound impossible to deal with. I feel bad for your wife.
What do you think?