'AITA for refusing to babysit for my sister and tearing the family apart as a result?'
"AITA for refusing to babysit after my sister made demands of me?"
NegotiationAshamed61 writes:
I (20M) have been dating my BF, Ryan (22M), for about a year. My sister, Amanda (28F), has a 4-year-old son, Jack. After a family BBQ last month, Amanda pulled me aside and said, “Hey, just so you know, it might be better if you don’t bring Ryan to the next few family gatherings.”
I asked her why, and she got all awkward, saying, “Jack’s been asking questions about you and Ryan, and I don’t think he’s old enough to understand all that yet.” I told her we weren’t exactly putting on a Pride parade in her yard. We were literally just eating hot dogs and chatting with family. She replied, “It’s just confusing for him. You know how kids are.”
I was mad but kept it together and said, “If Ryan isn’t welcome, maybe I just won’t come either.” She sighed and said I was being “dramatic.” Last week, Amanda called me, panicked, because her babysitter canceled. I told her I couldn’t help because Ryan and I already had plans.
She begged, saying she was desperate, and I finally snapped, “Why do you want me babysitting Jack? What if I accidentally expose him to my terrifying lifestyle? God forbid he sees me and Ryan together.”
Amanda blew up. She accused me of using Jack to “make a point” and said, “This isn’t about Ryan. It’s about you being spiteful. You’re punishing Jack because you’re mad at me.”
She told my parents, and that’s when the real drama started. My mom called and said I was being selfish for letting a “small disagreement” ruin my relationship with Amanda. I told her it wasn’t small and reminded her of Amanda’s comment about “confusing” Jack. Mom brushed it off, saying, “She’s just doing what’s best for her child.”
I said, “What about what’s best for me? Why do I have to hide part of my life to make her comfortable?” My dad sided with me. He said Amanda was being narrow-minded and told her, “Kids aren’t confused by love; they’re confused by people acting like it’s something to hide.”
Amanda then put the drama into the family group chat. My uncle said, “It’s not homophobic to want to protect your kid from topics they’re not ready for. Why push it?” This set off my cousin. She said, “If Jack’s old enough to understand that Amanda and Mike are married, then he’s old enough to understand Uncle (Me) has a boyfriend.”
She accused Amanda of being a hypocrite and called out my uncle too, saying, “Let’s not make this about your own outdated beliefs.” She also called Amanda a “stuck-up bi%^h,” and my uncle called my cousin a “drama queen.”
My aunt chimed in on the family chat, saying, “I don’t agree with (Me)’s lifestyle, but we should still support each other.” My grandmother replied, “Support doesn’t mean tolerating disrespect.”
Amanda’s husband, Mike, texted me, saying, “Look, I don’t have an issue with you or Ryan, but this is getting out of hand. Amanda’s just trying to avoid awkward questions from Jack, not insult you.” I told him, “It’s already insulting. Would she say the same thing if I were dating a woman?” He left me on read. AITA?
OP responded to some comments:
National_Package_197 says:
NTA. If Jack is old enough to understand a man and woman being together he’s old enough to understand a man and man being together. I would have said the same thing to my sister. It’s disappointing that this has divided your family, it really brings out their true colors. I think you should go little to no contact with your sister.
OP responded:
I haven’t spoken to my sister in days now. I’m definitely considering going no contact with her. Some of these comments are saying that she is using jack as a way to hide her homophobia and honestly now that I think about she might be.
What’s confusing to me is my whole family were supportive of me when I came out and they all were so nice and respectful to Ryan when I introduced him to the family. I just don’t know why everyone has switched up all of a sudden.
Leading_Confidence64 says:
NTA but those family group chats sound hella interesting. Like a soap opera!
OP responded:
This isn’t even half of the drama that’s gone down, just a quick berif as it’s too long for me to post the rest of it. The group chat has been going off for days and each family member is now torn.