"I regret not listening to my parents about my husband."
I 55F come from a very wealthy family, both my parents were doctors, both my brothers are lawyers and one of them owns the biggest law firm in our entire country and has been the president of the lawyers committee three different times in our country, and my oldest sister is an oncologist. I was the youngest of the family.
I married really young at 20, because I was in love. At the time, I was in med school but I dropped out to become a stay at home wife to my husband who was a car mechanic who had his own workshop.
He was 5 years older and I was head over heels in love with him, my parents and siblings hated him. They said I had more potential than to just be someone’s stay at home wife and they hated him because they didn’t think he was worthy to be in our family.
I refused and I fought them a lot over it. They ended up disowning me when we got married and I thought I was happier without them and for years I was. We all lived in a small town even though my family were all rich they just loved the quietness. For years and years we didn’t speak even though they all lived a couple of minutes down the street from me.
We had 4 kids together three daughters and our youngest son and we were happy, he was always good to me and even though we weren’t rich we had enough. About 13 years ago however he was in a really bad work accident and he became partially disabled and couldn’t work anymore, and soon after the shop closed down because we couldn’t figure it out.
I never worked in my life and never continued my education so I was stuck. My oldest brother came and offered me a job at his law firm as a secretary even though we haven’t talked in decades and I accepted. The pay wasn’t all that much and he treated me no different than he would any other regular employee.
He wasn’t interested in getting to rekindle a relationship with me or get to know my family. But I was still grateful for his help nonetheless. Around that time both of my parents passed away a few months between each other and I was completely left out of their will.
It’s been years now and I’m still working for my brother and my daughters have all put themselves in colleges and they’re all doctors in residency and I’m proud of all of them. My son went to trade school and is a mechanic like his dad and my family still don’t talk to me.
And I honestly regret it so much, these past few years I’ve lived through hell. My husband passed away 4 years ago and I’ve gone without too multiple times trying to help my kids have a better life than me, I love my kids and I really loved my husband who always loved me till the end but at the same time I regret dropping out of school.
I hate that I didn’t listen to my parents and family, and I miss how things used to be, I stalk my siblings on facebook and they’re all living happy lives with their children and grandchildren and here I am worrying about bills and whether I could eat for the rest of the month or not.
Last month my oldest brother who I work for bought a brand new Lexus SUV like it’s nothing, like brand new with the seat covers still on like it’s nothing while I’m driving a 16-year-old Renault. I regret all of it so much.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
iknowsomethings2 wrote:
Sounds like it was your decision not to continue your education. Not that you regret marrying your husband. Many people are rich and don’t have love in their life. You were another kind of rich.
You could still go back to school and get educated. And you could have still been with your husband and got an education / worked. It sounds like you regret cutting your family off, not necessarily marrying your husband.
OP responded:
Yes, that’s exactly it, I couldn’t have asked for a better husband, even though it wasn’t his fault he still apologised every single time we struggled to pay the bills and have food, even though just walking was so painful for him in the end.
gurlwithdragontat2 wrote:
I’m wondering why getting married meant you could no longer continue your education? Like I know plenty of people who are in love and standby, one another, as well as supporting one another through their education, so why was that not an option?
It seems like you had a good life with the love of your life, which is truly beautiful, and in this new phase of life, you could return to school to pursue some thing you truly want to do if that is something you’d like to accomplish.
anonymous_212 wrote:
I went back to school at 55 to get a masters of social work. It took two years and afterwards I had to conduct 2000 hours of supervised therapy sessions. I’m now able to earn enough to live a comfortable life and my work is satisfying because I know I’m helping people.
The most comfortable feeling is knowing that you are valued by the others in your life, that your contribution is meaningful and you enjoy moderately good health.
115machine wrote:
Every choice is a renunciation. You cannot make a decision without giving up what would have resulted had you chosen differently. You cannot go left if you choose to go right. Even the right decision comes with this cost. It is a simple fact. It is also a simple fact that we do not truly know how anything will work out. We can only do with what information we have available to us at the time.
I think that for this reason it doesn’t make sense to regret decisions that were made under the best information possible at the time. You made a decision to side with the man you love at the cost of your families’ approval and some material things.
You made that decision in good faith that it was the right one. The outcome resulting from it isn’t “perfect” but you have no knowledge that the alternative would have been better.
punch-his-beard-off wrote:
The moment I read your response that he wanted you to drop out and be a traditional stay at home wife I lost all sympathy for you. If I was your family, I would’ve cut you off too. Your brother is extremely kind to let you work for him. I’m so glad your daughters won’t make the same mistake you did.