'AITA for reminding my mom that my son is 8 and she's a grown woman complaining?'

"AITA for reminding my mom that my son is a child?"

FeralGoblinCat writes:

My son was sick yesterday, and my mom offered to babysit for me since I couldn’t miss work. For context, I (30F) am a single mom because my husband passed away in an accident last year. We had two kids together, ages 12 and 8, and my 8-year-old has severe ADHD and autism.

Being a newly single mom, money has been really tight. I do get state assistance, but not a lot, and my husband didn’t have life insurance, so there was no money left to us from him. My mom and sister help me with babysitting if the kids are sick or if there is no school because I can’t afford a sitter.

The issue came up when I told her I didn’t have food to spare right now because I haven’t been able to go shopping yet, and I asked her to please bring her own food or be prepared to buy herself food.

The food I have in the house is strictly for the kids until I can get to the store this weekend. We were all very sick last weekend, and I don’t live in a town with a grocery store. The closest one is a 30-minute drive away. She said it would be easier to take my son to her house instead, which I was okay with, but my 8-year-old hates going there.

When she came to get him, he had a meltdown because he didn’t want to go to her house. I asked if she could just stay, and I said I would find a way to get more food before the weekend.

She said no and insisted that he had to come with her, which made things worse. My mom does not have great patience, but she and my sister are the only sitters I have right now because they don’t charge me much, just gas money.

She lost her temper and started yelling at me and him, saying she didn’t have time for this and had canceled her plans that day just to watch him. She hadn’t mentioned that when I asked.

She also said, and I quote, “I wish we could trade lives, and I could lay around and throw tantrums all day while you go to work and have everyone use you and take your money. How much it must stink to be you and do whatever you want while I have to do nothing but take care of other people.”

I never borrow money from my mother, but my sister and grandma live with her, and they don’t work, so I know she is under a lot of stress. She takes it out on me a lot, calling me a burden, reminding me how much my loss has affected her negatively, and yelling at me for things my sister or grandma do.

I didn’t yell or argue. I simply covered my son’s ears and said, “Mom, he is eight.” She lost her temper again and screamed, “Forget it then, miss work and lose money, I don’t care, I’m leaving,” and then she left.

Now she says she will not babysit for me again so that I can “know true struggle.” If she follows through, it means I will have to miss work or find a sitter I can trust who won’t break my budget.

So I am wondering, should I have cut her a break knowing she is under so much pressure? I understand she is frustrated and needs to get things off her chest, but I feel like a verbal punching bag, and I don’t want my kids to have to deal with that as well. Am I the bad guy?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

b00kbat says:

NTA, but just a heads up, if you’re in the US, your children should be eligible for survivor benefits from social security. Your 8 year old may also qualify for services like respite care and possibly SSI benefits that would help cover the cost of an appropriate babysitter.

sikkerhet says:

NTA. She is an adult. She's allowed to have her big feelings around other adults but it's immature as hell and very damaging to take that out on an 8 year old. You did the right thing in refusing to let her treat your child like that.

For babysitting, do you have a church near you? They will probably try to convince you to join the church (that is unavoidably part of it) but they might have access to some kind of program to get temporary daycare access for single mothers.

Medusa_7898 says:

NTA. In fact I don’t believe it’s safe for your child to be left alone with a person like this. She has uncontrollable rage and resentment. Those issues are not safe for any child, especially one with special needs.

LittleHawk_737 says:

I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation. For additional support, go to the social security office if you're in the US. Your children are eligible to receive assistance until they're 18. Good luck.

What do you think?