'AITA for requesting a DNA test at my paternity hearing because my baby mama avoids me?'
"AITA for requesting DNA at my paternity hearing?"
Thick-Perception6078 writes:
I met this girl through work. We maybe went out three times and were intimate twice. She let me know she was pregnant around four weeks in. I let her know that I support any decision she made, whether it meant stepping up as a dad or termination.
During the whole pregnancy, she was kind of avoiding me and staying with her parents, which she still is now. One day, we were texting, and she had me reach out to her dad. He invited me over for dinner. She and her parents seemed very nice, and they said they wanted us to build a connection and bond more so that when the baby comes, there could maybe be something. That never happened.
I was at the hospital for the birth, and she stayed for about three days. Her other family wanted to see the baby, so I would leave so they could come in. On her discharge day, I asked if there was any paperwork I should be filling out, and she told me that they had filled out everything and that I could apply to be on the birth certificate later as the biological father.
This had me heated, and I did not like it at all. So we talked about it, and she let me know that as soon as it came in the mail, we would go down to the courthouse together and get everything amended. That never happened after five months!
I go see my daughter five days a week, and they always invite me over. I’m Black, she’s white, so we’re not cut from the same cloth. I always assure her that I’m going to be here for the long run and that I’m going to support her. I tell her to let me know what my daughter needs.
She can’t make her own decisions and often asks her parents about everything, even when it comes to the baby, without including my input. She is often selfish and does not like when I buy things for the baby, or she exhibits bad body language when I bring stuff over, saying things like, “My dad already got that,” or “We already bought that,” or “My dad can get that.”
I want her to know that this is my daughter and that while her dad’s help is appreciated, I do not need her parents to do everything. I want to be involved too. Even though my financial situation probably isn’t as good as theirs, I have my own house, a job, and a car. I’m OK.
Fast-forward to today at my paternity hearing—they asked if I wanted a DNA test, and I said yes. When the court hearing ended, I could hear her crying and sobbing in the hall. Am I the a%#$ole for requesting DNA? I do believe this is my baby, but I really want to be sure because of all the BS I’ve been put through, and I’m going for shared custody as well.
Here are the top rated comments from readers.
subsailor1968
NTA. You absolutely should request DNA if there is any doubt as to paternity. Your request is perfectly logical.
WeirdPinkHair says:
NTS She didn't put you on ghe birth certificate immediately... red flag. She seems to resent you being involved... red flag. Her family titally backed off after wanting to get to know you... red flag.
When you said yes to a DNA test she's in tears.... red flag. This is not looking promising. If the child is yours definitely go for 50/50 as you are the stuff real dads are made of. And you have a good shot with your circumstances.
burns91710 says:
NTA and after you get confirmation of paternity you can decide if you want to apply for joint custody etc. you should be able to be involved in your child’s life. She needs to get out from under her parents. You have your own house and stuff so I don’t assume you all are teenagers. You have the right to parent your child without her parents influence.
BuilderWide1961 says:
NTA. This isn’t your wife or someone you have been together with for years, a DNA protects the father, the mother and the child in the long run.