'AITA for ruining a vacation because I said no to a marriage proposal?' UPDATED
"I ruined a vacation because I said no when my partner asked me to marry him AITAH"
Extension-Past-2334 writes:
My now ex-partner asked me to marry him even though I told him that I don't ever want to get married again. There's not really much to this story because the title explains it, but I (F42) have talked multiple times with my partner (M43) about this topic.
I told him that I never want to get married and it's not about him, but it's just the fact that I see no point in it. I was married once and had a horrible divorce when my ex tried to take away our daughter and more.
Basically, I decided I never want to be bound to anyone in that way; it's easier to just break up than to divorce. My partner isn't really happy with this, and he asked me multiple times what would change my mind and if I just did not want to marry him.
These questions started to infuriate me and would lead to arguments because I said it a million times. The last time we had an argument was at the beginning of July when he started that topic again, and I told him that I think we need to stop this relationship because it's obvious we don't agree on it. I made a big deal about it, and my daughter and his kids were mad at me because I wanted to break up but he didn't.
I decided to stay, and I was finally convinced we were done with this topic and that he agreed to just continue living together until we went on vacation last week to Greece. For some reason, he asked me to marry him. It made me so mad. I seriously didn't know if I wanted to cry or scream. He asked me this in front of my daughter and his kids, and it made it even worse. I said no and went back to the room.
They stayed behind and probably talked badly about me, but now I realize that not marrying him was a good choice because even though I said no multiple times before, he thought that if he pressured me, on vacation, at a public place, and in front of the kids, I would feel obligated to say yes. I packed my bags and told my daughter to do the same.
She was mad at me, but she will get over it. So we came back from the trip only two days after we arrived. I don't want to continue this relationship because I feel disrespected and disgusted by the way he thinks. Yikes, and I personally don't think I'm an ahole, and this is more of a rant, but I guess you tell me.
OP provided an update:
Little add to this: many people mentioned that my past relationship is the reason I don't want to marry, but no, it's not. I don't even think about my first failed marriage, and it's irrelevant. I just don't want to get married again because it doesn't feel special or important anymore.
Besides that, since I left the vacation last week, he has sent me multiple messages accusing me of cheating and that being the reason I don't want to get married. He called me some shameful names, so that tells me enough about how much he really loved me or cared. Safe to say this relationship is completely over.
Basically, now he is still calling me and sending messages, but saying he's sorry for calling me a slut and saying I'm cheating on him. He's again saying it doesn't matter that I don't want to get married and that we shouldn't break up. I know this isn't true because he said it before too, and yeah.
Here are the top comments:
HungryJellyfishABC says:
NTA. But I think you explain to your daughter about why you said no and left. Tell her that you explained repeatedly that you didn’t want marriage for an extended time and that your now-ex was pushy and then ignored your wishes.
Explain that that is not a healthy relationship where people aren’t listening or respecting each other. This could be an important lesson on what is a healthy relationship for her.
Liberty53000 says:
Yes please, I believe this is important for her. She needs to understand the behind the scenes and the why. Otherwise it is an easy place for resentment or made up ideas to enter her mind.
Itchy_Lingonberry_11 says:
You were honest about marriage from the beginning and he chose to ignore everything you told him. NTA.
Relevant-Current-870 says:
I will never understand why people feel they have the right to boundary stomp or disrespect another person especially a partners wishes and then have the audacity to get mad at them when it goes to sh^t or the other person leaves. Like you knew going in can’t b^#$h and complain later. I don’t understand.
What do you think?