'AITA for accidentally revealing my sister is a product of an affair at her wedding?' UPDATED
"AITA for accidentally ruining my sisters wedding over a family secret?"
Missy-flissy writes:
Last weekend was my sister Claire’s (31F) wedding. Everything was going fine until the reception, when my drunk uncle (my mom’s brother) started making weird comments about how it was “nice” that our dad was still playing the role of father after everything. I had no idea what he meant, so I pulled him aside—far away from everyone—so we could talk in private.
At first, he brushed me off, but after some pushing, he just dropped it: my mom had an affair around the time Claire was born, and there’s a real chance my dad isn’t actually her biological father. He said it like it was old news, but this was the first time I was hearing it. I was completely frozen, trying to process what he had just told me.
And then I turned around and saw Claire standing there. I have no idea how she heard us. I swear I pulled my uncle far enough away that no one else should’ve been around, but somehow, she was. She just kept saying, “What the hell are you talking about?” over and over. My uncle immediately started backtracking, but it was too late.
Claire went straight to our mom, dragged her outside, and started demanding answers. I followed because—well, what else was I supposed to do? My mom kept saying, “Not now,” but Claire was not letting it go. Then she turned to our dad and asked if he knew. The look on his face said it all.
At that point, Claire just lost it. She started crying, yelling that her whole life had been a lie, and then she just left her own wedding. Now, everything is a complete mess. My mom is furious with me for “entertaining gossip,” my dad isn’t speaking to anyone, and Claire won’t answer my calls. Some of my relatives think Claire overreacted, while others say she had a right to know, even if the timing was horrible.
I feel awful. I never meant for this to come out at her wedding—I wasn’t the one who told her—but I still can’t shake the feeling that I played a role in ruining what was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. AITA?
OP added some extra context.
I’ve been receiving a few DMs asking some important questions, so here it goes. Neither of my parents drink for various health reasons. I’m the youngest of four siblings. I had asked him about my other siblings (28M) and (21F), and he denied anything regarding them.
Saying I took him “far away” means I had taken him to a completely different area where we shouldn’t have been followed. There have been zero signs of infidelity between my parents, so this is completely out of the blue, which is why I was so quick to ask. Hope this clears up a couple of things, and please feel free to ask more questions if needed.
OP posted an update a week later.
So, I wish I could say there’s good news, but honestly, the last few days haven’t been much of anything. My dad has been all out of sorts—crying, zoning out, and just overall not himself. Last night, he had a breakdown regarding everything that happened and cried to me.
He thanked me for bringing it to light but also scolded me for doing it at the wedding, which I understand completely. I know I should have waited for a better time to do it, and I honestly have no excuse for that. My dad created a Life360 with me while he went to stay at a hotel just a couple of miles away. He says he doesn’t know how long he’s going to be there for, but I know he’s safe.
I've heard very little from my sister. I sent her a long paragraph apologizing for everything and telling her my intentions were never to hurt her or ruin her day. She sent me back a paragraph telling me that it’s not me she’s upset at and that she honestly thanks me for bringing it to light since she heard his first comment too, and if nothing was said, it would have eaten her alive.
We’re not on “good” terms, so to speak, but I check up on her every so often after a commenter in my original post told me she could do something drastic. So thank you to whoever said that—it never even crossed my mind.
My mom and uncle are a lost cause. They spent the past couple of days trying to argue with us that it’s not what it looks like, and now they’re claiming it was just a harmless prank and never meant to upset anyone or cause drama.
But for obvious reasons, no one is believing them, and this claim is what led to my dad leaving. I think he knows something else, but I’m not going to pry him for that just yet while everything’s still raw.
Sorry this update wasn’t much of anything. I just wanted to update people on what my sister’s perspective is and how my dad’s doing since I’ve had a lot of people message me, concerned. I understand people will have a lot of questions, and I’m willing to answer what I can.
OP responded to some comments.
Sweet-Interview5620 says:
Sounds like the dad didn’t even know and that the mom simply told the uncle and others he knew and had forgiven her. After all that way most people wouldn’t bring it up again and would just accept what can they do if he’s chosen to father the kid.
OP responded:
From everything I’ve heard, my dad has been completely oblivious about everything like the rest of us, but the second part is a very good point and I’ll try bring it up if I ever get to talk to my mom about it.
Snoooort says:
It’s time to take a DNA test for you and your siblings. That way the real truth comes to light and your mom can’t continue claiming it’s all a misunderstanding or joke. Also, if you decide to do that… call your mom and say you and your siblings chose to do a DNA test.
The weeks waiting for results will eat your mom alive with emotions and fear of the real truth coming out. Serves her right. Yeah, I’m a vindictive SOB. That’s absolutely the way I would go about it.
OP responded:
Thank you for this, I never thought about how waiting for test results would affect anything! Your input means a lot.