So, I'm a slim guy, always have been. I'm 6' and with 165lbs. I workout and am strong, and muscular. Anyways, when I met my wife she was slim. After two kids she gained weight, which is understandable. Anyways, she always says s^%$ about my stature.
That I need to gain weight etc. But last night, I was flexing in the mirror, and she basically laughed at me. I said something, and she was like, you know I'm only joking with you. But it just gets old. So anyway, we were watching some reality show, and a man was carrying his woman around like a bride.
And she looked at me and said: you couldn't carry me around like that and kind of laughed. I was already kinda pissed from what she said earlier, and I said "I could carry her around like that" then I laughed and walked away.
Anyways she's f^&%$%g pissed at me. So I guess it's ok to talk s%$^ about a man who is naturally slim, who eats healthy and works out, but it's totally unacceptable to say something about a woman that does none of those things. AITA?
you’ve stumbled into a classic case of ‘You can dish it out but can’t take it!’ Just remember, in the game of marriage, the weight jokes are like dumbbells—best left on the floor
If I wanted to trip over weights, I'd just sign up for a dance class! Let’s keep the dumbbells off the floor and our toes intact!
If you like each other, or even love each other, hurting each other's feelings should be anathema. I wonder.
New word of the day
She started it lmao.
It doesn't even sound like you like one another very much. Try sitting down with her and being open and honest about how her making jokes about your physical appearance and strength hurts you.
Agree that what you said to her was hurtful and apologize sincerely. Then the both of you can make a resolution to stop hurting the person you vowed to love and cherish.
Humble_Tool OP:
I have. We've been married over 20 years. It stops for a while, then she will say something off the cuff. So, I finally said something back 🤷
Sorta YTA - you were saying more than that she's overweight. You were talking about carrying another woman, and that comes with overtones. If not for that, I guess you could give tit for tat and not be accused of being unfair. But being fair and being constructive to your relationship can be two different things. What exactly are you trying to accomplish here?
It would have been better to just have a heart to heart with her about her joking about your physique. An adult conversation rather than shooting back at her would more likely bring you closer together.
Humble_Tool OP:
See, I took it as her comparing me to the other man. That he was somehow better than me etc 🤷
I didn't say "comparing" her with another woman. I said "carrying" another woman. Just a smidgen different.
Humble_Tool OP:
I took her comment as another jab at me. So I jabbed back
How old are you two again?
Humble_Tool OP:
This is literally the first time, since we've been married (21 years) that I have ever said anything about her body or weight. Why do I have to tiptoe around the subject? I have told her a thousand times, that I don't like when she says s^%& about my weight.
That sounds like a healthy relationship.
ESH but yours was more hurtful. What did you actually accomplish with your comment?
Humble_Tool OP:
I didn't accomplish anything other than letting my emotions win at that moment.
He flexes in the mirror at home, that’s all you need to know. OP is a little too vein and his wife feels insecure about her body and what he said didn’t help. The way he doesn’t understand is baffling. OP the reason she can say it to you is because you are fit and slim as you say so it shouldn’t hurt your feelings because it’s obviously not true.
You shouldn’t be saying anything about your wife because she had your children. She makes jabs at you because she clearly feels insecure about herself and you made it come to life with your comment.
Humble_Tool OP:
So, you're saying that it is ok to body shame someone who is trying to build muscle, and be the best version of themselves, but it's not ok to say something about someone who doesn't try?
How can you not see that she jabs at you because she is insecure about herself? Don’t be this me me me person. You said it yourself in your story that you’re muscular, cool….. don’t make that your whole personality.
Humble_Tool OP:
Hey, I just try to look good for her. But instead of appreciating it, she says mean s^%&.