Woman catfishes cheating boyfriend with horrible fake dates after discovering his infidelity. AITA?
"I set up numerous fake dates for my cheating boyfriend."
8 years ago, I entered a relationship with someone who was almost too good to be true. He listened to everything I had to say, we had so much in common, I felt finally understood and really seen by someone as who I really am. I opened up to him more than I intended to, way too soon. If it sounds too good to be true, it usually is. Now I know that what he did to me back then was love-bombing.
Some examples of his techniques: the second month of dating, he took me to an uninhabited island with his small boat, set up a gorgeous lunch he prepared at home, served limoncello, we went diving and he found a giant shell and gave it to me as a token of his love.
Shortly thereafter, he took me to his childhood home, showed me pictures of his parents who were deceased and gave me his old toy he claimed was his fondest childhood memory. I was sure he was the one.
However, soon things started to change. At first, it was the little things. He'd make a cynical comment here and there about the way I looked or sth I said and that made me feel very insecure. He'd flirt with other women in front of me to make me jealous.
I'd cry and he'd apologise and temporarily revert to his old, romantic, loving self. But his outbursts became worse and worse, and the amount of pleading with him and convincing him of my love was growing each time.
I felt exhausted and drained by the constant need to prove my love for him just to earn a little bit of affection he initially showed me. I once got out of the shower and caught him browsing an online dating site. He said he made sure I saw what he was checking out to see if I'd get jealous and controlling again. I didn't believe him.
He was actually very bad with computers and early on in the relationship, he once called me on the phone and asked for my help with setting up an online account for playing chess.
I tried to guide him through the process of setting up a username and password at this particular site, which was somewhat more complicated than these things usually are and he grew impatient and just told me the username and password he wanted to use.
I remembered that and tried this username and password on the dating site he visited. I immediately got into his profile and what I saw broke me. Not only was he chatting up other women, but it was clear from some of the conversations that he had met other women and had sex with them.
Some of the conversations contained intimate information about me and what he was dissatisfied with me. What I read hurt so much that I cried on the floor like a little baby.
By this point I knew he wasn't perfect and that our relationship was far from perfect, but I was clinging to that initial phase of our relationship which made me feel the happiest I had been in my life. Now I had to deal with the fact that it was all fake.
I cried for hours and then something in me broke and I decided to get even. I set up a fake online dating profile, the first of the many to come. I started chatting with him and after a few days, he suggested meeting.
I feigned hesitation. He insisted. I reluctantly agreed to meet him in a large coffee house. I went there, half-disguised and sat where I knew he wouldn't see me. I half-hoped that he wouldn't come and that it was all just a bad dream.
I called him 10 minutes before the meeting with the mystery woman to ask where he was and if we could meet, he said that he couldn't because he had an errand to ran. My heart sank.
I kept my eyes glued to the door and sure enough: there he was. He came in, sat and waited. At first, I thought I was getting a panic attack because I was so distraught, but I managed to calm myself down.
He first waited patiently, then started fidgeting and looking at every woman that came in. And then, as if by divine intervention, a woman came in who looked just as what I described "myself" online.
He immediately came up to her and said something, she dismissed him, but he was persistent, at which point she got agitated with him and told him to leave her alone. He waited for another half an hour and then left.
That afternoon I sent him a message through the dating site that I was indeed the woman he spoke up to, that I saw him, found him physically unattractive, but lacked the courage to discuss it in public, so I faked not knowing who he was. I apologised profusely and he said it was ok, no hard feelings. But I knew it wasn't okay. He was very self-aware and narcissistic, no way he was unbothered by that.
So I did it to him again. And again. And again. Sometimes he'd be stood up, sometimes the woman would reschedule and then he'd be stood up, sometimes she'd cancel at the last minute. At least ten dates went south.
I decided it was enough and that it was time to break up. I did it in public. I told him it was over because he was a cheating s-o-b. He denied everything and tried to gaslight me and spin the story as me being the jealous freak. I then looked at him and said: "All those failed dates? All me." and I just let that sink in. He asked how and I told him his password and left.
A few months after the break up, he wrote a lengthy e-mail saying that what I did to him was ingenious, that it proved I was the love of his life and that he completely lost the will for online dating because he both fears and hopes that every new woman is me. I never answered this or any other attempt he made to contact me. And he still makes such attempts even now, years later.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Beautiful 😍
I'm glad you got out hopefully he isn't stalking you.
He’s still trying to “win”. Narcissists work hard persistently to try to prove that they are worthy. He’s still trying.
Wow! That took a lot of guts to do! Lol. Good for you for triumphing through it!! And for you bring the one to break it off! ❤️😀
You are my hero.
Why? She set up a random lady who was minding her own business to possibly be retaliated against by that man. OP pretended to be that woman and said that she DID indeed recognize him but thought he was too ugly. With how unhinged people are nowadays, that could've lead to that woman being confronted, stalked, or worse.
Honestly, you're amazing. And you must be something else if he's still emailing you lol.