"AITA for telling my son I regret settling down young after he got engaged at 22? It isn't the 50s!"

"AITA for saying I regret settling down young to my son?"

OP writes:

Last year my (40M) wife of 23 years came out to me, and we separated then divorced. We have 3 kids together - 22M, 19M, and 16F. She’s my first and only girlfriend/partner. I’ve been feeling a case of FOMO lately - that I settled down too young and was old before I should have been.

I missed out on all the things young lads did - going out clubbing, having fun, lads' holidays, etc. My time was all family holidays and spending my time raising kids. It’s not like I can do all those things now, so I feel basically f^@$ed.

My 22-year-old son recently got engaged to his girlfriend. I saw him Tuesday night for the first time since he got engaged, gave him a lift home, and he asked me what I think. I told him I am happy for him, but I don’t want him to make a mistake, settle down too early, and miss out on being young like I did.

He asked me what I meant, and I said that as much as I love them all, I wish I’d just waited and had fun being young. He was a bit quiet after that, but I put it down to possibly thinking about what I said, so I left it at that.

About an hour or so after I got in, I got a message from his partner saying he’s upset and what I said hurt him. I tried to call him, but he didn’t answer, so I left him a message to talk - it’s been left on 2 blue ticks.

Yesterday, I got a call from my other son saying he heard what I told his brother, and he’s angry at me too. I told him it probably didn’t come out well, and I meant it differently, but he wasn’t having any of it.

Then I heard from my ex, saying she’s fuming with me for upsetting the kids. I told her she’s one to talk, considering she wasted 23 years of my time and upset us all by realizing she’s a lesbian. She didn’t like that at all. I’m public enemy no. 1 now I guess. I really didn’t mean it the way it came out, but I’m not going to lie and say it isn’t true. AITA?

Here are the top comments:

BellGrace840 says:

I can see him thinking you regret having him just one perspective.

MikkelR1 says:

Yeah it's the "as much as I love you all" part that did it, I reckon.

wassupla says:

You are just 40, you can still go and have fun. Go party, go for holidays, have a boys trip, go camping, trekking. People do that even in 60s these days, and you are just 40. You have only lived 50% if you will live to 80. Go live your life! NTA.

ClassyyBabe says:

It might be true that you regret settling down young, but airing that to your kids, especially your engaged son, probably hit them pretty hard.

What do you think?