'AITA for shutting a man down for trying to casually talk to me at the gym?'
"AITA for shutting someone down when they tried to talk to me at the gym?"
iamplayingfavorites writes:
I (32F) don’t talk to anyone at my gym beyond saying hi and bye to the staff and using polite etiquette, like asking if someone’s using equipment or saying thank you when they’re done. Part of it is efficiency, but mostly it’s because I go to the gym stoned AF, I’m in the zone, and I don’t want to talk to anyone.
Last week, after my workout, I walked over to the food carts near the gym to grab some tacos. While I was there, a guy (40sM) stopped me and said he goes to the same gym. I’d never noticed him before, but he insisted on walking with me and started chatting. I was kind of annoyed, just because my headphones are out doesn’t mean I’m inviting conversation. I made small talk, tried to be polite, and got out of there as quickly as I could.
A few days later, I was foam rolling at the gym with my headphones in when the same guy beelined over to me. I tried to avoid eye contact, but he squatted down next to me to say hi and offer a fist bump. I gave him a quick nod to acknowledge him but ignored the fist bump and avoided eye contact for the rest of the time.
Then today, he walks into the gym, sees me, and I immediately avoid eye contact. At first, he doesn’t approach me, so I think maybe he got the hint. But later, while I’m doing leg lifts, he comes over and again tries to give me a fist bump.
So I take out my headphone and say, “Look, man, I don’t want to do this. I’m here to work out. I’m not here to make friends. I don’t want to talk to you, okay?” He starts to respond with, “I was just saying hi,” and I cut in with, “Yeah, I get it. Please don’t.”
Then I put my headphone back in and kept working out. I realize anyone who saw that probably thought I was a giant AH. But I don’t think someone else’s need for connection overrides my need to have a good workout. So, AITAH?
OP posted an update the same day.
If you think it would have been different if he were attractive: I stumble and get awkward no matter who it is if the conversation goes beyond a single question and response men, women, children. This isn’t about “want it” or “don’t want it”; it’s about not being in a headspace for human interaction.
And to those saying this is the same type of person who wonders why guys don’t ask them out: I actually keep a little Post-it in my gym bag that says: “Hi, my name is (name). I think you’re cute, but I want to respect your gym time. Text me if you want to get coffee sometime.” I’ve never given it to anyone, but it’s there if I ever feel like I need it.
OP had people respond to their post.
lammcmahan656 writes:
NTA, I’m tired of being forced to be polite and not making people uncomfortable even though they just made me uncomfortable. More people need to be blunt because people don’t seem to understand “hints” of unwanted interactions.
scaryvicar says:
NTA. Coming from a father, I hope my daughter has the boundaries you do when she’s grown. You don’t owe anyone your attention. You rock though!
Brilliant_Pie_8125 says:
NTA. A gym is a public space, yes, but you are not public property. The most anyone ever owes someone is a polite nod to acknowledge the eye contact/hello/whatever. You weren’t at a meet and greet, you were at the gym. Unfortunately some people think being outside of your home means you want to be their friend?
marigoldpossum says:
Sometimes I think a gym should have wrist bands: one for those who want to socialize, another for those that want no interaction. Take the guess work out of who wants to be chatty?