'AITA for spending thousands on my dog instead of helping my brother financially?'
"AITA for spending money on my dog instead of giving it to my brother?"
the_D20_you_melted writes:
I would never have thought that something like this would incite so much drama, but my whole family is arguing about it now. I wouldn't have doubted that I was in the right before my father chewed me out, but now I feel like I'm losing my mind.
In December, my brother (26M) asked me (39F) for a $700 loan. I don't make a lot, and I don't have that much to spare at any time, let alone during the holidays when I need to save for gifts, etc. He did need it for something important: to get his truck fixed so he could still go to work. I get that that's a big deal, but I simply can't spare that kind of money. He ended up losing his job.
Fast forward to February. My dog stopped eating, and we had to take him to the emergency vet. It turned out to be a dental abscess, and it cost me about $1,200 to get him treated. You probably already know where this is going.
My brother found out, and he's seething mad. He blames me for his job loss, claiming that if I had the $1,200 for my dog and not $700 for him, I'm a terrible person. I was able to shrug that off at first, but he won't budge, and now he has other people in the family harassing me.
Our father is on his side and has told me that I should apologize for my priorities? They're both saying this is proof that I lied about not having $700, but I never claimed I didn't have access to that much money at all; I just said I could not afford to spare it.
I have tried to tell them that it was an emergency, but they just say so was my brother's problem. My dog depends on me. I'm all he has. My brother is a grown man who has other people he can call; he just doesn't want to embarrass himself, I think. But I'm going through a lot of (unrelated) stress right now, so it's really hard to be objective about any of it at this point. I'm so tired.
Here are the top rated comments.
No-Throat-8885 says:
You are not obliged to lend your brother $700, even to fix his car, especially at Christmas with a myriad of other expenses. I’m assuming your father doesn’t want to take responsibility for not lending it either.
And no friend came forward saying he was such a great guy and here was some money. If two months later you find yourself able to find $1200 for your vet bills, then well done you. NTA.
Calm_Initial says:
Why did your father and other family members not step up in December to help pay the $700 your brother needed? Why did you inform them of what you spent at the vet on your dog?
OP responded:
My father specifically is really hand-to-mouth with what little money he has. He insists he didn't have it at all. He's not in a good place. I'm not totally sure about my uncle, but my impression was that he didn't know about it until it was too late. Brother was being precious about who he would admit to that he was struggling.
Most of the people except for our dad are only finding out after the fact because he was too proud to ask them at the time, I think. Admittedly I'm making assumptions on behalf of a few people about whom I can only guess.
I didn't tell my dad or brother about the vet money directly, but it got back to them via my aunt. She didn't mean to start this crap. She was just expressing concern for my dog and didn't realize they hadn't heard anything. I was commiserating with her about big vet bills.
GenxBaby2 says:
NTA I'm guessing your dog brings you more joy than your brother. My family has always loaned each other money as needed but everyone always pays it back. From reading this sub, I gather that it is not unusual for money loaned to relatives to not be returned.
What do you think?