"AITA for "stealing" my ex best friend's crush?"
When I (26F) was 20 I had a best friend, let's call him Rich. We often hung out with mutual friends. One night we went out to a club and met our later mutual friend, let's call her Willa. At the time Willa and my now husband Jared were in a relationship that was very toxic.
She cheated on him throughout it and would break his stuff. This was the first time I met Jared. Not knowing who he was, I saw him sitting on a chair while Willa danced on another man and different men. I invited Jared to dance with me and Rich and he was ecstatic.
Fast forward about six months, Jared, Rich and I are best friends. Willa dumped Jared shortly after our initial encounter and became a total jerk, so we stopped being friends with her. During this time Rich and I went over to Jared's house all the time, slept over, went out and did all the things platonic friends do.
Then, one night Jared and I were hanging out alone. Both of us had been drinking and he confessed that he had feelings for me and was going to marry me. I thought he was joking so I did not entertain this. Every time we hung out sober (or not) he would slide in comments that he loved me more than a friend. We started dating.
He treated me like a queen and worshipped me. I am not very pro PDA so Rich did not know we were dating. But one month into our relationship, Rich tells me he is crushing on Jared. At this point I am too scared to tell him that Jared and I are in a relationship. I do not want to lose my best friend.
Time passes with Rich constantly hitting on Jared and Jared just laughing the comments away. Now Jared does not want to be around Rich alone because he is trying to make moves on Jared and he is not comfortable with it at all. A few weeks later it gets to a point where I blurt out (while Rich is trying to flirt with Jared) that we have been dating for months and to please stop.
Rich gets upset and feels led on because no one told him anything so he thought he had a chance with Jared, regardless of signs like cuddling during sleepovers, me always around, Jared complimenting me and the looks. He left and never talked to either of us again despite us trying to salvage our strong friendship. Now Jared and I are married with three kids, but AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
No_Pick_8808 says:
You're still worried about this 3 kids later? Interesting. You didn't steal his crush, you got into a relationship with a (straight?) guy and you friend had a crush on him as well. No problems there. You probably SHOULD have told Rich about it earlier though, and waiting for months to tell your "best friend" about being in a relationship, especially in these circumstances makes YTA.
Diligent-Storage9987 says:
I mean, I yeah YTA for not being upfront with your best friend, knowing it was going to hurt him in the long run when he found out. But more importantly, does this even matter? It’s been 6 years and it sounds like you’re happily married?
Dramatic_Living951 says:
So your husband used to be gay?
OP responded:
No my friend was gay and wanted my now husband.
SubstantialQuit2653 says:
NTA-Rich's crush was never going to go anywhere because he is gay and Jared is not. That has nothing to do with you. Should you have told Rich earlier? Probably. But that still would not have changed things. Jared would still not have been interested in Rich because he's not gay.
What do you think?