'AITA if I tell my boyfriend I found out his proposal plan?' 'I'll cause a fight between his family.'
"AITA if I tell my boyfriend I found out his proposal plan?"
My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years. Last year we bought a house together and have been talking about getting married. This past weekend, we went to visit his mom for the day while we were in town.
My bf left to help his brother move some items in the storage unit and I stayed behind to continue visiting. While he was gone, his mother starts talking about how he wants to propose to me and asked if I wanted to know how. I politely declined and said I would prefer it to be a surprise.
She continues to tell me every little detail of his planned proposal including the ring, photographer, date, time and place. While she was telling me, I kept saying that I didn't want to hear it and I was getting my keys and leaving. She went as far as following me out to my car to continue spilling every detail.
I'm worried that if I tell him that I know his plans, that I'll cause a fight between his family and he will feel like he has to change his plans. His mom and I haven't always gotten along great, she assumes that I don't like her because I don't share the same hobbies or likes as her. Do I tell my boyfriend that I know his plans and spoil everything or would I be TA for doing so?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
PracticalPrimrose said:
There’s a reason that the cliché honesty is the best policy exists. Be honest. Just like you would want him to be with you. “Hey babe, I have some disappointing news. When I was visiting your mother, she asked if I wanted to know about your proposal. I told her no.
But she wouldn’t stop talking, spilling all sorts of details. I grabbed my keys to leave and she followed me out the door to the car literally telling me everything you have planned.
I don’t want you to feel like you have to change things just so I can be surprised. But I wanted you to know because not telling you would be lying by omission. I don’t want to start our married lives that way.
Plus - we’re bound to have sensitive things to discuss as we spend our lives together, and I think your mother could play a difficult role in how our relationship functions if we don’t get on the same page about it now.” NTA. If you tell him.
Back-to-HAT said:
NTA. You are going to have to tell him. Do you think you can keep this a secret until you die? Do you think his mom will do the same? If this comes out later, and it will, he is going to be upset at the very least. Think of it this way, you would be starting your marriage with a huge secret.
He has obviously put tons of thought, time, and money into his proposal. Would you feel like a fool knowing the other person was just playing along instead of it really being a total surprise? This is a horrid mess and I’m sorry you have been put in this situation.
EJ_1004 said:
NTA. Tell him. Ordinarily I’d say let it go as planned but his Moms behavior could potentially cause issues down the line that should be addressed (by him) now. “Babe I’m really sorry but while I was spending time with your Mom earlier she told me every detail of your plan to propose.
I told her I didn’t want to hear it and I even walked away but she followed me and wouldn’t stop. I’m sorry if my knowing ruins things for you right now. I’m here to support you in any way you need it, let me know how you want to handle your Mom and I’ll follow suit.
For me, this does mean I don’t want to share any of my sensitive information with her, but you don’t have to do what I do. Is there anything additional you want to know or talk about?”
Scary-Welder8404 said:
NTA, he deserves to know his mother is unworthy of trust.
Delicious-Pick-6971 said:
NTA, tell him immediately and explains EXACTLY how you know (or show him this post). Warning though, his mom did this on purpose to drop you in it. Have a think if you want to marry into this family and if your bf will do the right thing (aka cut the cord with mommy dearest).
2moms3grls said:
NTA - "he assumes that I don't like her" - well, I don't like her and I'm guessing most of this thread feels the same way!