I think my boyfriend might be getting a little too close with his coworker. AITA? MAJOR UPDATE

"I think my boyfriend might be getting a little too close with his coworker. AITA?"

My bf and I have been together for five years and we live together. He’s been working with his female coworker for the last 7 or 8 months and they have grown quite close.

It all started with him mentioning how similar her and I are, to them talking/texting often, him explaining how they get along because they are both “flirtatious people”, taking her home almost every weekend or taking her out for a late night snack before taking her home, taking her out on Mother’s Day even though I mentioned having a hard time (after losing my mom two years ago).

But she’s also going through family issues, talking about her all of the time, and for the finale: someone talked to his boss about their closeness/relationship with one another and how it might be inappropriate and other coworkers feel uncomfortable as well.

He just mentioned the finale to me but it’s been an on going thing that he has failed to mention when we discuss how our days went. I feel as if they talk more than we do, granted I know that they see each other more but he will drop everything if she texts him or he pretends that he’s annoyed that she’s texting him.

I know he has had a shady past with being an affair partner, before me, at his last job but now old feelings from 4 years ago are back. I now feel like my feelings are validated after he was called out by his coworker. So AITA for getting uncomfortable, and feeling jealous/insecure? Advice is welcomed even though we’ve had this discussion multiple times.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

FriendsofFripp wrote:

Are you the side piece or the GF? I mean he’s been dating her right in front of your eyes. Even people at his work are uncomfortable about their relationship. There may not be a smoking gun but there are shell casings all over the place. I would be planning an exit strategy if I were in your shoes.

Dear_Parsnip_6802 wrote:

Sounds like an emotional affair. Have you told him how you feel? Have you let him know that he is prioritising her over you? The mothers day thing would have been it for me.

OP responded:

I have told him how I feel. The first time I did was after the “we’re flirtatious people” comment and the other time was after the Mother’s Day issue. He never communicated to me he was going to be home late or go out to eat with her after getting off of work at 10pm.

When he got home late I confronted him and he said “it’s Mother’s Day and she has parental issues and didn’t want to be alone” even though she has a boyfriend but I guess he lives 45 minutes away from us? His response has always been a deep sigh, rolling his eyes, run his fingers through his hair and then ask me something along the lines of “do you not trust me?” Or “I’m not in the mood to discuss this."

Recnar566 wrote:

No matter how much time one spends with coworkers their first and priority should always be their SO period. If i had a “friend” who didn’t wanna be alone on Mother’s Day then I’d invite her to eat or something with me and my wife and afterwards make a special date or something for just me and my wife.

My girl your guy has seemingly fallen for her and doesn’t know how to tell you. Try talking and if you’re willing to work through things then that decision is yours and yours alone. The moment someone else especially the opposite s-x come before you. Well I think you know.

OP responded:

Thank you so much. This will be my last talk with him and I’m going to make sure we get to the bottom of it all. She’s leaving the company at the end of the month but I shouldn’t have had to endure this for the last couple of months.

Shashi1066 wrote:

Your boyfriend enjoys the best of both worlds, without any consequences. Sorry, but he is having an affair. You must make him choose between you, although it could backfire on you. You can’t go on like this, and he will resent you, if he doesn’t already for being a doormat. Best wishes.

OP wrote:

I honestly believe it is emotional thing between them but I don’t know what happens when he drives her home. It’s honestly starting to feel really embarrassing since I’m friends/know so many people he works with. You bring up a really good point and I want to thank you for that. I need to find some respect for myself.

Two months later, OP shared a major update.

UPDATE: I am single! It was mutual but I should have left when he started saying dumb hurtful s-t to me when he’d get drunk, example: “if we weren’t together and coworker and her bf weren’t together we’d be together.”

Pretty soon after affair rumors started at his job, and spread around to other office locations, is when our relationship went down hill. He’s still too embarrassed to tell people we broke up because it might confirm their suspicions of the affair rumors, and he believes one of the reasons he didn't get a promotion is because of the rumors. I kind of feel bad that he didn't get promoted but oh well.

I never gave him an ultimatum but he chose her over me, and I can confirm that he was emotionally cheating on me with her. He still believes he’s done no wrong though. The coworker is no longer with the company and now lives with her bf/going back to school but he is driving out to see her at school here and there.

Apparently she’s been his rock through our breakup to the point where he still hasn’t told any of our best friends/won’t reach out to them, and I’ve had to do that for him. I’ve talked to my friends that work with him and they were all too scared to reach out to me about their concerns because they didn’t know if I knew what was going on, didn’t want to cause drama, and my ex is their boss which is valid.

My friends assumed that once she left the company that her and my ex’s friendship would die out but it’s stronger than ever now. I’m moving out in a couple of weeks and I am so excited!

The comments kept coming.

Negative-Panda-8985 wrote:

What does her boyfriend make of it? Your ex sounds like a horribly selfish person, and I’m glad you are free of him. I’m also petty so I’m glad he didn’t get his promotion and would tell anyone and everyone that we had broken up and why. Wishing you every happiness in the future!

Difficult-Bus-6026 wrote:

So after having an emotional affair which he really wanted to make physical, your ex ends up in limbo! Sounds like poetic Justice! Move on and find someone better (which shouldn't be too hard since ex was a jerk)!

ImpassionateGoss001 wrote:

Why aren't you informing everyone of the breakup and the reasons?? It's not gossip if it's true and concerns you directly. Heck, I'll let her boyfriend know what's going on.

theemmyk wrote:

What's a 30 year old doing pursuing a 21 year old? Date a man your age who is likely to be far more mature than this cheating dolt. And, yes, emotional cheating is cheating. Happy you are free to find happiness with someone who appreciates you.