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'I suspect my SIL is encouraging her BFF to hit on my husband. Am I delusional?' UPDATED

'I suspect my SIL is encouraging her BFF to hit on my husband. Am I delusional?' UPDATED


"I think my SIL’s (23/F) best friend (23/F) is trying to get with my (25/F) husband (28/M) and she’s encouraging it. Am I delusional?"

My SIL (23/F) is my husband’s (28/M) half-sister, she was the product of their mother’s infidelity. His father divorced their mother when he was 12 after he found out through a paternity test she wasn’t his. My FIL refused to have anything to do with my SIL but continued to have a relationship with my husband, because of this my SIL is very clingy to my husband.

My husband is also very protective of his sister and generally doesn’t tolerate anything negative being said about her, which is why I’m posting this here before mentioning anything to him. My husband and I bought a house last year which has its own indoor swimming pool. My SIL was super excited when she saw it and asked if she could use it sometimes with her friend.

We said it was fine, as long as she gave us a notice before she turned up. Her and her friend (Chloe) have used it many times before but almost never when my husband is home (he is a lawyer and works long hours). With lockdown, my husband has started to work from home. My SIL asked me if she and Chloe could come over and use the pool,

I told her I was uncomfortable with them coming over as I’m pregnant and don’t want to accidentally expose the baby to anything risky. My SIL then asked if she and Chloe quarantined for two weeks would they be able to come over, my husband said it was fine. Two weeks later they turn up to my house. My husband was in his office, so they go straight to the pool after making small talk.

My husband ends up coming out after an hour and we’re hanging out in the kitchen. My SIL walks in to get a drink and she starts talking to my husband. Before she goes back to the pool, she says “Chloe’s going to be so happy to see you”. It was weird because my husband and Chloe aren’t close. Chloe comes into the kitchen two minutes later and spends the rest of her time talking to my husband until he excuses

himself to get back to work. She’s super giggly and smiley when she talks to him. He would say something sarcastic and she would laugh like it was the funniest joke she’s ever heard. It honestly felt like she was flirting with him. Before she went back to the pool, she gave me this weird smirk-y look. Before they leave, they ask my husband if he’s working from home everyday of the week, he confirms he is.

The next two weeks, they come over to the house to ‘swim’ every single day. Except, Chloe never gets in the water. Instead she hangs around the house in her bikini (she was previously wearing a one-piece if it makes a difference) every single day. Whenever my husband comes out to hang around me, she quickly interrupts him and keeps him talking until he has to go back to work.

I made lunch for us all and when I excused myself to call my husband down, my SIL quickly stopped me and said Chloe could call him for me. They shared a look and Chloe looked really happy when she went to get him. Chloe has also started to get touchier with my husband. She’s put her hands on his chest and arms, stands or sits really close to him.

To my husband’s credit he does usually create space between them whenever she does something like this. The reason I believe my SIL is in on this is because she’s made a few pregnancy-related jabs at me recently. She told me a story about how one of her friend’s boyfriends was cheating on her and then said something along the lines of

“did you know a lot of men start cheating when their wives are pregnant?”. She’s also made comments about how I look chubby now and it looks weird next to my husband because he’s ‘well-built’. If she spots my husband out of the office she quickly goes to inform Chloe.

I know pregnancy hormones can mess with a person’s brain so I’m wondering if I’m just looking for something that isn’t there. My SIL sent me a text yesterday asking if they could come over to swim next week and I really want to say no but I know she’ll whine to my husband if I do. I ideally want to have a conversation with him before then but I’m not sure if I should mention the flirting. Am I being delusional?

TL;DR – SIL’s and her friend are constantly asking to come over to use our pool but her friend never swims. Instead, she waits around to start talking with my husband. She seems very flirtatious whenever she talks to him but I’m not sure if it’s just pregnancy hormones getting to me.

What do you think? Is she delusional/paranoid? Or is something shady going on?

This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

Get rid of them. They’re definitely flirting and they’re coming around way too much and monopolizing any free time your husband has. You should talk to your husband. Hopefully, he’s also feeling uncomfortable with the interactions.

syphone said:

Nah girl. Nip it in the bud right now. You know what you see and hear. You see the looks between the two, you see her touching him and flirting with him. They only decided to come over every day after they found out that your husband will be there every day. When you bring up this whole thing, don't blame the SIL. Completely blame Chloe. Don't say anything bad about SIL.

Let your husband know that you appreciate him creating some distance between him and Chloe, but that you'd like more distance or less talking/touching between them. Or ask him what he wants to do about it. Also let your husband know that the pregnancy is making you insecure and that they keep making jabs at how "big" you're getting.

You married him for a reason, I'm sure he will understand. If you talk about how Chloe is the issue, it shouldn't bring up any issues with SIL. Also I would stop telling them what you're going to do regarding your husband. Stop saying "I'll go get husband" because that's when SIL steps in and says Chloe will get him!

Or "I'll just bring this to husband" because Chloe will bring it to him instead. If you're going to get him for lunch then just go get him. If you're going to bring something for him then just do it. Don't give them a chance to take over and get alone time with him. Good luck. I'm sure your husband will understand and set some boundaries with her.

[deleted] said:

Be direct with your husband. His pregnant wife’s feelings should come before some friend of his sister. And she has no business putting her hands on him, ever.

Arywar said:

The easy solution would be just saying to him that Chloe is shamelessly flirting with him in your own house and, even with all the trust in the world, it's an unnecessary stress to the pregnancy. Just avoid insinuating that his sister has a part in it, and throw the easy A away.

And [deleted] said:

The fact she isnt even getting in the pool would be my excuse. I would tell your husband you would like your house back. You wouldn't mind them being over if they were actually swimming, but if they're just lounging around they can do that at their own home.

I wouldn't have been cool with them coming over that much in general. Twice a week at most. Every day would be way to much. I like my time alone in my own house. I'm not looking to be a host every day. And that would be if they were gracious guest. So to have her act that way, I'd just tell them no.

Looks like OP took everyone's advice, because she later shared this update:

Well, I read and reread all of the comments on the original post to try and figure out how I was going to bring up the issue. Turns out, I didn’t have to. We were watching a movie and my phone lit up with another text from my SIL telling me she was now going to be here at 1pm the next day to swim with Chloe. My husband saw it and told me to tell her not to come.

This is really weird behaviour for my husband because he tends to do anything to accommodate my SIL and very rarely refuses her anything. I asked him if something had happened and he shrugged it off and we kept watching the movie.

A few minutes later he paused the movie and said he wanted to ask me a question. He asked if I’d noticed Chloe never swam when she came to our house. I wish I could say I was calm and collected like the comments were advising but… I ended up laughing hysterically. I was honestly just so relieved he’d brought it up instead of me having to be the one to do it. I think my husband thought I was losing my mind.

When I finally stopped laughing, he repeated the question and said he wanted a serious answer. I said, “of course I’ve noticed” and he awkwardly replied “so… you must’ve noticed the other thing too”. To summarise the conversation that followed: My husband hadn’t noticed Chloe was flirting with him the first few days because he was so busy with work, he wasn’t really paying attention to anything else.

He said when she started getting handsy is when he suddenly had the ‘light bulb’ moment that she was into him. He says he didn’t want to unnecessarily stress me out, so he never mentioned anything, but he was worried I’d noticed too and thought he was interested because he hadn’t immediately shut it down. He realised we would eventually have to have this talk,

but he wasn’t sure how to bring it up (oh the irony). He did privately speak to Chloe and told her he was happily married and wasn’t interested in starting anything with anyone else. Apparently, she never took him seriously because she kept doing it. In the end, he called his sister on Sunday to tell her either she got her to stop or Chloe couldn’t come over anymore.

His sister ended up having a tantrum and said a few nasty things about me/the baby/our relationship. She insisted I was somehow behind his request and made some comments about how I was controlling and insecure because I looked like a ‘beach whale’ and Chloe was younger and hotter. He was pretty pissed at this and said if she said something like that about me again, he would stop speaking to her.

She claimed I had baby trapped him and when my husband pointed out we were already married so I didn’t need to ‘trap’ him and that he was the one who wanted to start a family she kept insisting I had manipulated him into feeling that way. She claimed he was unhappy in our relationship and he always looked ‘tired’ because I was forcing him to slave away to fund my fancy lifestyle,

whilst I sat on my ass all day. He pointed out he chose to be a lawyer knowing he would have to work long hours and I had only recently left my job, so her accusations were baseless. She said some other stuff along the same lines but the thing that made my husband finally snap was when she said ‘it’ (the baby) was already ruining everything and it was just going to get worse when it was born and

he should’ve dragged me to the abortion clinic whilst he had the chance. He told her neither her nor Chloe were welcome in our home anymore until they apologised for how they’d been behaving and for the things my SIL said. He said he wasn’t sure he could ever forgive or forget what she’d said about our child even if she did apologise and he couldn’t believe she would even think something like that,

let alone say it. Apparently, she started crying and said she was sorry, that she didn’t mean it and she was just scared to lose him and that she wasn’t thinking clearly. He hung up on her. He showed me his phone and she’s been calling him and texting him since begging him to reply.

He asked if she’d said anything to me. I was debating whether to say anything or not, but he kept insisting he knew she had said something, and he wanted to know what it was. I told him the things I mentioned in the original post and a few other things she had said. He asked me why I never mentioned anything when she first said it and I mentioned how he got really defensive

whenever I said anything even slightly negative about his sister and he… got defensive. I pointed out he was doing it again and after some back and forth he admitted that “maybe he was a little bit defensive when it came to her” but he promised to stop and he wanted to make sure we could talk about anything, including his sister.

He ended up mentioning wanting to try couples counselling. He said it wasn’t because he thought there was something wrong with our relationship but apparently he has been speaking to his dad a lot recently and he mentioned one thing he regretted about his marriage with MIL is that they never went to therapy until the cracks in their relationship were too big. In his current marriage they go,

and it’s helped him avoid the mistakes of his first marriage. I agreed, so we’re probably going to try that soon. My husband thinks my SIL will eventually turn up even if we tell her not to, but he promised he’d deal with her if she does. So, I guess you were right. I really did just need to speak to him. Thanks for the advice and comments, I enjoyed reading them all.

TL;DR – We talked. Husband already confronted both the friend and SIL. SIL said some really sh!tty things so we won’t be contacting her for a while. Communication is key folks! ;)

Sources: Reddit
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