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'AITA because I thought my wife was having an affair when she was helping my daughter? UPDATED'

'AITA because I thought my wife was having an affair when she was helping my daughter? UPDATED'


I thought my wife was having an affair turns out it was just my daughter.

awk_throwaway2342351 writes:

My wife (50F) and I (52M) have been married for 25 years and are immensely happy. Of course, we have the normal fights: me not cleaning the bathroom, arguments about me losing money on sports betting, her spending twice as much at the shops as we agreed to, etc. - but overall, we have a really happy marriage.

Until about 8 p.m. yesterday night. Recently, we've been having a bit of trouble in the bedroom. I don't want to derail the post, but basically, we've naturally slowed down between the two of us in the last couple of years. This has really bothered my wife (and bothered me a bit also, I will admit). Once we vocalized the problem, we both agreed we're going to take steps to fix some things.

We talked to some doctors, and basically, all of them wanted to put my wife on some serious medications - which my wife was pretty against. This led to about a year of building what we call "our bed drawer," filled with products in the kitchen that my wife has tried and tested and likes the ingredients of.

It's nothing crazy, literally things like vitamin D, zinc, some Lubracil softgels, maca - stuff that has been tried and tested, nothing too wild and all over-the-counter. Now, here's where things start to go downhill. So, my wife naturally takes these products around the times we're going to be getting intimate.

Now, I don't usually monitor the kitchen drawer, but sometimes I do peek (I know, but I can't help it). About three weeks ago, I noticed a ton of pills and softgels were disappearing. Thinking I'm about to have a pretty good week, I start to mentally prepare for it.

So, about a week after that, I re-check the drawer - and a ton more of the stuff has been taken. I remember thinking, "That's weird, we haven't done anything recently." About a week later, the same thing happened, tons of pills and softgels are gone. And I'm not going to lie, I start to get in my head a bit.

Last night, my wife and I are out to dinner. After a couple of glasses of wine, I ask my wife why she's been taking so much of the stuff in the drawer without trying for any intimacy. I asked from an angle of both worry (mostly for health) and confusion.

Immediately, my wife gets insanely defensive, blows off the conversation, and tells me she isn't talking about it. This, of course, makes it the only thing I want to talk about, and while I respect everyone's "I don't want to talk about this," I think something like this should probably be discussed.

I press a bit, and for about an hour, she's not having this convo. Basically, it gets to the point where I just blatantly ask my wife if she's seeing other people My wife, who has NEVER been aggressive or loud, starts basically screaming at me in this Italian restaurant.

She tells me my daughter (25F) has been having some "relationship issues" with her boyfriend and has been taking some of the stuff to "help." I'm like, why didn't you just tell me? She goes on a rant about how some things are "girl to girl" and how my daughter didn't want her telling anyone. Which I get, but come on, I buy the things to fill the drawer.

My wife ends up leaving the restaurant mid-dinner. I've honestly never seen my wife this mad. I'm honestly a bit worried for our marriage. And to top it off, my daughter is acting awkward around me.

I get that I stepped out of line with the questioning, but the defensiveness really caught me off guard, and I would have assumed my daughter using our stuff would have been discussed (and I wouldn't have actually cared, and would have bought more stuff).

Anytime I try to talk to my wife, she makes it seem like I'm an insane out-of-control monster, that I've broken the trust in our marriage, and that I've ruined 25 years of progress we've made together. Am I crazy? I'm beyond confused right now.

OP provided an update:

My wife and I didn't go to the doctor for only "libido" issues - I don't know the general age of, but as you get older, things like menopause and other hormonal issues become a reality (just the way of life).

I didn't "plan" on questioning my wife at dinner; it had been in the back of my head, and after a few glasses of wine, I handled the situation poorly (which I 100% agree with all of you, not the right time or place) - though we've had tough conversations before in public (still doesn't justify it).

Calling it an "bed drawer" may have been a bad name, but it's just how we reference it - we didn't really think too deeply when coming up with the name, and I don't know actually which one of us created it.

I don't have a good reason why it's in the kitchen, but we're kind of past the age of caring about what someone may or may not see in our home. I wasn't "monitoring" the drawer; the softgels (which we keep out of the box) come only in a 30-pill supply - half the pack or so missing (I didn't count) is very obvious even at a quick glance.

And for why I didn't automatically assume my daughter - the softgels mentioned above and some of the other stuff in there are for a specific thing (outside of the vitamins). While I don't know the ingredients too intimately, you wouldn't really expect those things to be shared.

Here are the top comments:

Fa1thL3s5 says:

What in the multivitamin did I just read..

Inefficientfrog says:

Is there parts of this story missing? It feels like there's something missing. Why did you choose to bring this up at a restaurant? Was it to try to avoid the yelling? Did you plan on it being a fight from the start? Get your wife's side of the story and post it, we crave the drama.

TheBookofTormund says:

Something’s up. That reaction is way outsized for a perfectly reasonable line of questioning when met with obstruction and obfuscation.

Particular_Title42 says:

NTA (Not the A^&#ole). I am a little suspicious. Missing stuff requires explanation!

What do you think? Was OP wrong to think his wife was cheating on him?

Sources: Reddit
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