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'I threw away my husband's art collection and now he won't speak to me.' UPDATED 3X

'I threw away my husband's art collection and now he won't speak to me.' UPDATED 3X

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Coming for your partner's hobbies is almost never going to end well.

"I threw away my husband's art collection and now he won't speak to me."

My husband considers himself an art connoisseur, when he's not. He filled his home office and the hallway with his collection which he inherited from his grandfather. The point is that his grandfather got scammed and most of the paintings, statuettes and artifacts (fake g*ns, books, ship models) are fakes or reproductions. Very few real pieces.

My husband knows, but he liked it as a kid and so he kept it, adding stuff over the years. He always bought fakes or repros too, saying he likes how they look and he wouldn't bankrupt us like that. To be honest, I couldn't stand that assortment of random knick knacks, especially because they aren't worth a thing. His hallway and office looked like a kid's idea of a museum.

He was away on a trip two weeks ago and I seized the occasion to put all the stuff in storage and give a restyling to his office. I figured he'd get upset but eventually accept it. When he came back, he got silent. I reassured him I didn't throw any of his knick knacks, just put them in storage and that I liked his room much better now, and his grandmother should have done the same for his grandfather.

He said that the rest of the house is already in my style and he accepted it, but the office and hallway were "his" space. I reassured him he will like it better with time, but a week has passed and he looks depressed. He stopped spending time in his room, barely talks to me and even refuses intimacy. He acts indifferent and told me I can get rid of the few things I kept.

I am starting to think I overstepped. Did I make a mistake? I am considering apologizing and get his stuff back in his office.

The comments did not hold back one bit.

UnevenGlow wrote:

Yeah you disrespected him big time.

OP responded:

I see that now. I will apologize and bring back his stuff. I am also going to ask him to display some stuff in the living room.

SleepyDreamer16 wrote:

You did overstep. This is major disrespect. These things were important to him and it doesn't matter if you like them or not. Even if it was the ugliest object you have ever seen, you should still accept his feelings about it.

This is about something more than just objects, this is showing him that his opinion doesn't matter to you and that he can't trust you. You should apologize immediately and let him know that you really do realize it was a wrong thing to do.

TrashCranberry wrote:

Yes, you made a mistake. You have been crapping on his hobby for a long time and now you finally took the final step and converted his space into what YOU want. How selfish of you. Not only should you apologize, you should help him restore his space and buy him a few bad art pieces that he would like.

Nighty_Nightmoon wrote:

I sincerely hope this some sort of rage bait trolling. Because otherwise you are a horrible spouse.

Adventurous_Sand6711 wrote:

You’re “considering” apologizing? I’m hoping this post is fake but just in case….yes you overstepped. Yes you were completely inconsiderate. Yes you owe your husband a massive apology and yes you need to get his stuff back out of storage. And yes you need to start thinking about your husband’s feelings. Your husband’s feelings matter just in case you were so focused on yourself you didn’t realize.

OP responded:

I will apologize to him and get his stuff back. I'll also ask him to display some of it in the living room.

a5678dance wrote:

Do you love your husband? Why would you think it is ok to treat someone you love this way?

OP responded:

It's not. I f#$ked up big time.

After receiving honest feedback, OP shared a small update.

Guys, I hear you. I f-ed up big time and I know it. I'll ask him if he can forgive me and I will get back all his stuff. I'll also offer to display some of his stuff in the living room as a peace offering.

The next day, OP shared a longer update.

Hey guys I know I f-ed up big time and your comments just reinforced that feeling. I went to my husband, gave him a massive apology and told him I would really like to get back his collection and get his office and hallway like they were before. I also apologized for going behind his back and violating his safe space the way I did.

I also offered to let him display some pieces in our bedroom and living room and next time he spots something he would like to add to his collection, I am paying for it. He accepted my apology and forgave me. We spent the afternoon getting his stuff back in place.

It's not worth it to create a rift between us for this. I might not like his taste in art, but I love this man and if he's happy I am happy too.

Thank you all for the comments and the though love, I really needed it.

The internet was glad to hear it resolved in a healthy way.

OverratedNew0423 wrote:

I didn't read or respond to the first post...but wow - what a wholesome mature response you evolved into. Yes, you way overstepped and were rude af, but your response to him and here shows you are a better human than most!! Good for you for accepting growth and seeing what's truly important.

pinesolthrowaway wrote:

She learned and is taking accountability, that’s more than a lot of the people brought up here can do

I imagine she won’t be treating him that poorly again.

thebaehavens wrote:

She didn't learn anything at all.

"It's not worth it to create a rift between us for this."

She still thinks she gets to control his space and interests, don't you get it? "It's not worth it" means she still thinks she's right.

nazbot wrote:

Something you also might want to reflect on is the mentality that had you saying ‘Yes you’re upset now but in time you’ll realize that I’m right’

I wonder if there are other places in your relationship where you do this to him?

Basically this sounds like a pretty entitled / superior mindset where you think that if you are right and he’s wrong you can just do what you want because ‘he’ll eventually realize the error of his ways’. You mentioned that his grandmother should have done this to his grandfather. Was this kind of behavior something you noticed in your own family growing up?

Iam@$$face wrote:

That's what bothered me. Why was she so chill about upsetting him? It didn't bother her until she noticed he didn't get over it and forgive her.

Almost two weeks later, OP shared another update.

I read all the comments and they got me thinking about our marriage and how it's starting to mirror the one of my parents. My mother has always been very controlling with my father, she's what people would call a one-tone nag, always moaning and complaining about something, and this is the main reason I keep my distance from her.

My father is a quiet man who avoids all conflict and my husband is kinda like him. Now I am realizing I am becoming exactly like my mother. I admit I didn't outright throw away my husband' stuff because a part of me knew that if I did, it would have done damage that couldn't be repaired.

But I still do many little things that my mother would do, like swapping the clothes he picks in the morning with ones I think look better, or suggest him what to post on social media or put as profile picture on WhatsApp. I had a long conversation with my husband and asked him how he really feels about my behaviors. He said he's mostly fine with them but sometimes I can be "too intense."

I asked him to elaborate and he admitted that sometimes I can be suffocating. He said sometimes I do this even when we are sleeping, such as when I spread my leg on him and weigh down on him to not make him move. I admit I teared up listening to all this, and although he assured me he's not even thinking about leaving me, I don't want to make him miserable like my father is.

I asked if I should go to therapy to try and mitigate my behavior, he said he would support me if I did so now I am shopping for therapists. He also said he would be open for marriage counseling if I wanted to, and I am considering it. Hopefully our relationship is not too damaged and I can try to be a more patient and understanding partner like he is with me.

The internet had lots to say about the update.

Disastrous_Offer2270 wrote:

It's so so good that you've recognized this in yourself and you want to change. We mimic our parents in our relationships in ways we don't even realize. Good luck to you!

DetroitsGoingToWin wrote:

This shows a lot of self awareness on your part. A little assertiveness is ok, but if you’re steamrolling your partner that’s not really love.

Medical-Cake1934 wrote:

My mom always gave everyone the silent treatment. Whenever I see myself doing it I correct my behavior immediately. It’s great that you realized this and are taking steps to better your marriage.

Irrasible wrote:

Yes, everyone tends to recreate their family of origin, because that is what they understand. They also tend to be attracted to people with whom they can recreate that family of origin. Your husband may be doing this, too. It is definitely a thing to work on as a couple with a competent therapist.

Drummerguy06 wrote:

"He also said he would be open for marriage counseling if I wanted to, and I am considering it."

Be prepared to hear things you didn't want to hear.

He went from "I'm mostly fine with them" to "sometimes you can be too intense" and then went straight to "sometimes you can be suffocating." Sounds to me like he has more opinions about your marriage but is reluctant to start spilling his feelings all in one go.

It'll be much better for your marriage if he can indicate any pent-up resentment he has for this situation, but just a heads up you might be opening a closet full of stuffed feelings that'll come toppling over you.

ex-carney wrote:

I love this. I also respected your response to everyone jumping on you for your first post. You handled it with maturity. With an openness to reflect on your actions and how they affected your husband. Kudos. I believe you have a happy marriage to look forward to.

Sources: Reddit
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